Hello Every One,

Sorry for the late post of the pics. I just got time and here thay are. Well some of them we have about 600 pics to pick from lol. The first pic is of me and my best man Brett.

The second one is of me and My Queen getting married by her dad.

The third one is my family

The Wedding party Brett, me, My Queen and Bride's maid Stephanie.

The Kiss.

Over all this has been one of the longest waits I have ever had but the best part is that I married my true love and we are working together to build a life of love and joy. hope you enjoyed the pictures. God Bless.

here are some more pictures to enjoy.

True Love Does Exist. God Bless.

Hello All,
Well sorry I have not been able to post recently. I have been spending alot of time with My Queen and My Lil' Angel. I do have some news.

Her dad said Yes it just took two months and him seeing how we are together, and of course me moving across country for her. lol. Anyway he said yes I could marry My Queen and that very day I asked My Queen to marry me.

planing a wedding is so crazy especially when you don't have money. but we have set the date. it's August 8th, 2009. The place is in washington state. We have the tickets but everything else is up in the air at this time. I'm going to see about working at day labor for some extra cash.

In Florida with My Queen

Hello All,

Well I now am in Florida it took 4 days of hard driving and seeing My Queen for the first time in months was amazing. She meet me and helped guide me to my appartment. I now have internet and hope to start blogging soon. I am working but sadly I am not getting the hours I want and need so I am looking to start a second job soon. any way I hope all of you are blessed.
bye for now.

How to treat a nice guy

I was recently told that when a woman has been dogged out all her life by men, when she gets a good man, she don’t know how to act. This has many implications she don’t know how to treat him, she messes up, she just can’t figure out what he wants. Well let me explain this one so it is clear (I hope). When some one is treated bad in their relationships they build up walls defenses that they use to protect them selves. One of the things the new relationship has to do is be patient and let the woman bring down the defenses. After that the woman can start to be guided and then freed from the past. yes she will still have some times when she is haunted by the experiences but that is where more patients is needed.
As for how to treat him Everyone has heard of the golden rule right? treat others the way you want to be treated. It applies here too. If you want to be treated like a Queen then treat your man like a King. I’m not saying everything will be perfect, but I am saying that when women treat men with respect, love, admiration. the man will have what he wants. Now for the she messes up- Relationships take work on both parts. When hard times come, be honest and straight up. show respect to each other and don’t play games. Playing games only leads to being alone.
Building a relationship takes all our lives. it is not just a few years and then you can sit back and enjoy the ride. There are ups and downs every one must face. This is when you truly know you love one another if you can weather the storms of life. The blessings you will reap after the storms are worth enduring them. But you must be mindful of the dangers. Don’t be naive and put your self in situations where you will end up hurting each other. Think and be mindful of the way things are heading. Many times people put them selves in situations that they don’t mean to be in but because they become complacent and think they are untouchable they traverse the dangers and more often then not they get bit. Many times to the destruction of the relationship they wish to hold on to. But if you endure and show grace, compassion, mercy basically Love you will have a stronger relationship then ever before. I hope all of you are able to endure the hard times as well as be overjoyed with the good times of your relationships.

God Bless You and Yours

Ask Ken Section

Hello All,

Here is your section to ask me Questions get advice and what ever you want. feel free to comment about what ever is on your mind, love, life, whatever.

One thing though- please be clean I would not like to have to delete comments because they were to vulgar or demeaning to others. other then that have a blast and let the communication flow.

Giving an update

Hello All,

well things have been going great for My Queen and I. My Queen came to visit me in August and things were simply Amazing. I truly did not want her to go back to Florida. Sadly she did because of the responsibilities she has there. Not to worry though we will be together soon God Willing. I took alot of pictures of My Queen and My Little Angel. that i have posted a few here.

Further News - Well I asked her dad for her hand in marriage, he took time to think about it and then said for us to wait till i moved down there. So in responce to this i am working two jobs and saving as much as I can to get down to My Queen. Other then that I am just taking care of my responcibilities here trying to sell my house to my parents and pay off my truck and then move to Florida.

The second job thing is going well so far but it makes me tired and what not so sorry if i'm not posting like normal. if you still want advice about things i am still here, just send me an email or post it in the ask Ken section I am setting up.

Well I Hope to hear from you and hope you have many Blessings upon you.

Adding Meaning, Adds Romance

Over the years I have learned to add meaning to most if not all of what I do for my girlfriend. Getting a gift of flowers for instance is a great thing but getting the flowers that have very specific meanings add more romance to the flowers and thus creates more intimacy with my girlfriend. In life every thing has a meaning. Applying a meaning to something is fairly simple; it just depends on how you want to add it or what you want to say.

You may have noticed a message I left for my Queen a few post ago. This message can only be interpreted by My Queen because she has the key to decipher it.

As I said everything has a meaning so let’s look at flowers, colors, then gifts them selves.

Flowers are one of the best ways to say something to someone you love. Each flower has its own meaning. So you can easily create a special message for someone by looking at the meaning and then just picking up the flower.
There are plenty of web sites that give meanings of flowers when you do a google search for meanings of flowers. Some web sites are;
http://www.aboutflowers.com/floral_b5.html
http://www.iflorist.com/en/act/meaning/
http://www.juneauempire.com/weddings/story/beauty/flowersmeanings.shtml

I have found that adding a special message to your loved one not only lets them know you love them but you can basically say anything you wish to them good or bad.

You could also create your own meanings to flowers and then make a code for your loved one to decipher this shows you put a lot of work in to a simple message that shows you have a vested interest in your loved one. Let’s face it when you are imaginative in your love life your love life is fun and exciting no matter what. Who don’t like getting a special message or knowing that only they can know the message once they decipher it?

When I was studding art in high school and college I learned that colors have meanings. You can use colors in your love life by what you wear or by the color of flowers you give or just be creative with how you use color. For those who are color blind, black and white and grey all have meanings as well, you can add your own meanings to each of them and then add other meanings based on what you get.
Let’s say you get a red rose that is thorn less. Since you can’t see the red but see a darker color ether black or a shade of grey, you can say the grayish black color means your timeless and stylish, the rose means “true love”, and the fact it’s thorn less could mean “you have no flaws to me” so the whole message could say “you’re a timeless, stylish, true love that has no flaws to me.” Simple sweet and very meaningful if given to and by someone you really love.

Colors can also affect some ones mood. Here are some meanings and mood affects for colors:

Black
Black is the color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. Villains, such as Dracula, often wear black.

White
Brides wear white to symbolize innocence and purity. White reflects light and is considered a summer color. White is popular in decorating and in fashion because it is light, neutral, and goes with everything. However, white shows dirt and is therefore more difficult to keep clean than other colors. Doctors and nurses wear white to imply sterility.

Red
The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention.

The most romantic color, pink, is more tranquilizing. Sports teams sometimes paint the locker rooms used by opposing teams bright pink so their opponents will lose energy.

Blue
The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

Green
Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in "green rooms" to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility. Dark green is masculine, conservative, and implies wealth. However, seamstresses often refuse to use green thread on the eve of a fashion show for fear it will bring bad luck.

Yellow
Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration, hence its use for legal pads. It also speeds metabolism.

Purple
The color of royalty, purple connotes luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic. However, because it is rare in nature, purple can appear artificial.

Brown
Solid, reliable brown is the color of earth and is abundant in nature. Light brown implies genuineness while dark brown is similar to wood or leather. Brown can also be sad and wistful. Men are more apt to say brown is one of their favorite colors.

Colors of the Flag
In the U.S. flag, white stands for purity and innocence. Red represents valor and hardiness, while blue signifies justice, perseverance, and vigilance. The stars represent the heavens and all the good that people strive for, while the stripes emulate the sun's rays.

Food for Thought
While blue is one of the most popular colors it is one of the least appetizing. Blue food is rare in nature. Food researchers say that when humans searched for food, they learned to avoid toxic or spoiled objects, which were often blue, black, or purple. When food dyed blue is served to study subjects, they lose appetite.

Green, brown, and red are the most popular food colors. Red is often used in restaurant decorating schemes because it is an appetite stimulant.

Well there you have a nice little list of what colors mean and how they affect your mood. Now let’s look at gifts.
Gifts can be simple or elaborate ether way adding meaning to them makes them timeless and sentimental. If you give your girlfriend a necklace add some kind of meaning to it. Lets say you get a diamond necklace this is easy diamonds are “a girls best friend” right? So you could get the necklace in a shape your girlfriend will like a favorite animal or a heart or what ever. Then just think about how long you have been together get enough diamonds for each year or make it a mixed necklace. Say you and your girlfriend have been together for 5 years two of the years were spent apart. So you get her a diamond necklace with three nicely cut diamonds and two other stones your girlfriend likes. Then the necklace means the time way from you were emeralds and the time together are diamonds. The biggest stone is of her favorite animal or heart and is a diamond. So now not only does it mean something about your relationship it also means something more to her because you remembered her favorite animal or you gave your heart to her.

Well I hope you have found this insightful and useful. When in a relationship be creative and think of what your partner’s favorite things are and make your gifts and flowers and so on tailored to give romance to your relationship. It takes time but what is a little time out of your day to give joy to the one you love?

Love Vs. Lust

Hello Ladies and Gents,
While I was surfing the net, I came across the age old question, is my relation based on love or lust? While many may search out the top ten reasons. I find that the top ten are very flawed, they are generalized and lack any real depth. So I decided to look deeper then just the top ways to know. Lets start with some definitions the best way to classify something is to give it a definition. You can find definitions by doing a simple web search.

Definitions
Love - is the unconditional acceptance of all things as they are.
To alter or expand them by contributing to them in a loving way
Creates blessings. To alter, judge or limit them by force or fear
Creates burdens which you must carry, experience or learn from.

Lust - is wanting something that you can't have, taking something
that isn't yours, (through acquisition, force, coercion or manipulation),
and believing in something that isn't loving, (like domination, control
or sacrifice (not self)).

Biblical perspective on love vs lust
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up the common traits and variances of love and lust.
LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding
LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest
LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment,
Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful,
Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, dishonest

Now that we have the definitions of love and lust lets look at the cultural view of it in our time
The US has many ways to sell items the most profit selling tool is lust. Show a woman half nude and guys will buy the magazine because he can’t control his base desires, because of lack of discipline. Whoooops I said discipline, that is taboo in today’s culture. Parents give their unruly kids a spanking and HELLO the child services are all over them. is not discipline a form of love also? Teaching your kids how to respect others and authority, I’m not talking about walking in the door and giving your kid a shiner or a nice square kick to the ribs but a ferm swat to the butt because of a legitimate reason. Not out of anger or frustration but out of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. If he is unruly he will be spanked to help him not be unruly. Simple but very effective. I speak from many, many, MANY spanking or laying on of hands sessions where i was the offeneder not the spanker. Love of your children is one thing that is very profound. The love a mother or father has for thier child is like nothing else. You want the best for them, better then what you have, you worry if they are sick or in trouble. You will do all you can to keep the child from danger or harm of any sort. That is a parent’s love. As for lust in this area ok sicko go get some counseling and leave them kids alone.

Ok back to our love vs. lust for relationships, our culture has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it's acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones.

Love involves unselfish acts. Faith is the foundation of God's message. By putting our complete faith in God gives us the freedom to love others completely.

We have talked about love a little and since we more often lust before we love lets look at lust.
Acting out lustful desires is very harmful in four ways.
1. Lustful desires destroys marriage
2. Lustfulness is rebelliousness to God
3. Lustfulness always hurts someone
4. Lustful acts lead to premarital sex

If lustful desires are in our thoughts, then they most likely will come out in our actions!
Lustful thinking can turn into
Premarital sex which can lead to genital/ sexual diseases or lack of sexual interest with spouse or both which will quite often lead to Adultery and end in divorce. And many people wonder why our divorce rate is so high both in and out of the church. I admit people are not perfect, but if you love some one you will do all you can to be with that one person for the rest of your life. I heard an old phrase long ago “if you got a gourmet meal at home why settle for a quick bite.” This rings true now more then ever, if you have a loving woman or man at home. Why settle for a quicky when you can have something far more satisfying at home waiting for you?

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis, men a little more then women I fear. God doesn't forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people lives physically and spiritually and emotionally. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him. It hurts us because after a couple has sex things may be weird for a little bit after sex because you just gave each other something so unique and special. If you’re out side of a marriage then you just gave it to some one who may not respect the gift.

The more I think about it, when we meet someone for the first time or see someone from across the room and we see something we like. We are able to start lusting for them but is this how all relationships start? First we see someone then we get to know them, we build on the relationship from friends but some where we are faced with lustful desires. I know from my past, even now, I struggle with lustful desires. Though I love My Queen with all my heart and when she is not talking to me or has some thing she must work out on her own, I long to help her and I miss her so much, I’m on the verge of despair. Because I want to be with her so very much not in a sexual way, though that is most defiantly there, but for her emotionally, spiritually, physically and in every way a husband wants to be there for his bride. When she says I need time to get over some thing I dread it because I miss her so, not for my self but because I miss her voice and laughter, hearing how our daughter is doing and the inner play between the two of them. I desire more then anything to be there with them to help and love them. So how many times have you truly been loved? Is your past relationships and current relationship lust or love?

Just because I like to drive in points, here are some ways to know if it is love or lust.
Love is patient. Sometimes sex sounds like love, but it's not.
Lust can't wait; it's impulsive.

Love is kind.
Lust is cruel, critical, manipulative.

Love does not envy. "I need you" isn't the same as "I will be here for you."
Lust seeks more than it earns.

Love does not boast.
Lust builds self at another's expense.

Love is not proud. "I want you" doesn't mean "I want to give my life to you.”
Lust is easily threatened.

Love is not rude.
Lust is disrespectful and thoughtless.

Love is not self-seeking. "You're gorgeous" doesn't mean" I love you for who God made you to be."
Lust is demanding and uncaring.

Love is not easily angered.
Lust is temperamental and retaliates.

Love keeps no record of wrong. "I'll be gentle" is not the same as" I care about your heart and feelings."
Lust does not forget offenses.

Love does not delight in evil.
Lust commits wrong to get its own way; it rationalizes

Love rejoices in the truth. "It feels good" doesn't mean "I want you to feel good about yourself after it's over."
Lust encourages lies and covers misdeeds.

Love always protects.
Lust takes to gain its own end and lacks concern for others.

Love always trusts "Everybody's doing it" does not mean "I want to do it God's way." Lust is suspicious and jealous.

Love always hopes.
Lust always takes chances at your expense.

Love always perseveres. "You're so good, I want you now" isn't the same as "You're so good, I’m willing to wait."
Lust backs out when it's no longer convenient.

Love never fails; it's constant and enduring.
Lust ceases when self is no longer served; it's fickle, insecure, unfaithful.

I hope you have found this helpful and leave comments if you’re inclined.

A Personal note to My Queen.
My Dearest Queen, My Love,
I Daffodil 2 you are well. I miss you so very much, Jasmine (Carolina) from you is Cypress 1 to me. When I gaze upon your Alyssum, I praise God for the Amaryllis gem, He has blessed me with. Chrysanthemum (red) you My Queen. I am Althea for you.
With every breath with in me I am Camellia (pink). (Milk-Vetch), I miss you so much and hope to hear from you soon. Rose(Austrian) to me.
God Bless You and Our lil’ Angel.
Rose (Montiflora),
Ken

What Do Women Want to Know???

Hello All,

I want to get an idea of what women want to know about men and what men think they want to know. Anything and everything is open for discussion. If you feel your topic is to personal, my email link is on my profile, so if you are so inclined you can contact me that way. This is your chance ladies to get all the answers, if I can give them to you.

Your questions and situations may relate to other topics or questions other women have, but are not sure how to put them in to words so please ask any and all questions you have.

This is your time Ladies let the questions, stories, and situations flow. If you send an email and only want me to email you back please let me know.

Thank you in advance.

Best date ever

Hello,



I just wanted to get some feed back on what people feel is the best date ever.


This post goes along with the survey I have posted. If you want to share your best date feel free to do so, You could also share your worst date ever. Hopefully they are not the same date!


I'm kind of traditional I like dinner and a movie with a walk in a park or down a beach as the sun sets. This way I get alot of talking and something to talk about, but I also like more romantic dates. My favorate date is one filled with romance; candle lite dinner, walk on the beach at sunset or sunrise, you get the idea.



As for the best date I have been on... I have to say when I talk with My Queen, every talk is like a date.

As for the worst... hmm there have been many, but the one that stands out was when I was in the Navy in Virginia. I was hit on by this girl in Target and we went out on a date. The entire date was spent with her talking about her ex boyfriend. "Can we say awkward" I did not mind talking to her about it but honestly who likes talking to a "date" about how she wants her ex boyfriend. We both decided to just be friends and then I talked to her about her ex and what not. I found out then I was one of the guys people come to for advice or just to be someone to lean on. back then I thought "GREAT I'm in the freakin' friend zone."

Hope to hear some of your best/ worst date ideas, stories and so on.

Single Parent Dating

First lets start on why I am able to talk about this topic. I have dated a few women who are single parents. I am currently in a very serious relationship with one now. She is the one woman I plan on marrying. she is an amazing woman and her child I consider mine aswell. Over the years I have notices a trend regarding women who have a child from another man. the trends I have noticed

The mother feels like she is unattractive to single men.
The mother feels she is undeserving of love from a good man.
The mother tries to rush a relationship.
The mother seeks out a dad for her baby. (baby-dad)
The mother gets taken advantage of my some men.

These things I have noticed and would like to try to help in these areas. When a single parent is looking for a date, mate or significant other they tend to over look things that should not be over looked. First lets talk about how the woman is treated. I have seen and heard many women say “he treats me bad but what else is out there for a woman like me” let me say a man who would treat you in a manor that is degrading to you is not some one you want to be around or be in a relationship with. The reasons for this are because the man will just take advantage of you or worse warp your and your child’s minds, emotions and self worth.
Women who have children from other men have a vast array of emotions going almost all the time; worry for the child, the bills, and other facets of life. Sadly their self worth is questioned on many occasions. Ladies just because you have a child from another man does not mean you’re unattractive, or undeserving of love. It means you made a mistake with a man who did not love you, but the child is not the mistake, the man was. Your self worth should never be reliant on some one else. I have known many men who met and fell in love with a single parent, I’m one of them. Yes a child is a big responsibility for any one but if a guy is not willing to man up, then ladies he is not the man you want to be around. As far as I’m concerned he could looks like Brat Pitt but if he is not man enough to put aside his single life for one that is totally involved with you and your child then he is not worth keeping around or continuing a relationship with. Don’t get me wrong some time has to go buy for him to have ample time to take on the responsibility but that is not a bad thing ladies.
Lets talk about the rushing in to things. I know from my own experience with dating and relationships when ever I rushed it was a big mistake. When you rush a relationship you fail to truly see who it is you’re in the relationship with. A true understanding of someone is going to take time. any guy who tries to get you in to bed with in the first few dates or maybe even months is not some one who is going to respect you or your child. Relationships take time to fully grow to where you are so in love with one another that he will not stray from you. to find the guy that will be a great husband and father is not something you can truly rush nor should you. my advise is be patient, never try to jump to quickly, I know this is easier said then done but trust me your relationship will be stronger for waiting and finding a guy who is of quality rather then just finding some one doing things and then feeling regret and broken hearted.
I have dated some women who were not looking for a true relationship they just wanted a dad for their child, or (baby-dad). This is also connected to rushing a relationship. If you find a guy and your digging him. Just relax if he likes you he will start getting involved with you and your child. I know that having a guy met the child to early may scare the guy off but if a little kid scares him off was he really worth keeping??? Knowing when to have the guy and kid meet is truly up to you moms. But never just say here is my kid get to know him/her. Try to just get together with the guy at a place where both will be at ease. A play ground or parks are some good choices. Let the guy and kid talk for a bit with you there. More often then not the guy will ask what the kid likes to do or what not you know idle chit chat. This shows the guy is trying but really don’t know where to start so having knowledge before hand is going to make this a lot easier for the guy and child.
Make sure to have some kind of activity for the day will help the guy and child bond. (Women bond with kids far faster then men I think it has to do with a nurturing nature of women.) Anyway letting your child knows what is going on is also a good thing. There is nothing worst for a man then meeting a child and being accused of breaking mommy and daddy up then getting kicked in the shin by a four year old.

Last but hardly least is how single mothers get taken advantage of my some men. Sadly some men will see a single mom and think “hey, I could sleep with that easy.” Letting someone in to your life to quickly rarely turns out for the best. These kinds of men are the ones you want to avoid. But never use your child as a defense. Just let the guy know your not going to play doctor until marriage and that you’re looking for a man who will love you and your child. You’re a package deal and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Your still the same woman before the child but just a little wiser and have more responsibility. I have heard from women “I have changed so much” to this I say “Really how so.” Your body has gone threw changes, your emotions, maybe your personality but the thing is your still you. You have things changing all the time but when you have a child you just see them more. Lets face it ladies when have men ever truly known all about women. I think Eve made Adam have a lot of moments of confusion and frustration.
I know I have talked mostly about single mothers. This is because I don’t date single fathers and therefore have no idea what it takes to date them or their mind sets. But I have gotten to know a few single moms and the fears and mind sets of them by dating them and being friends with some of them. My future wife has a child and she was so nervous the first time we talked she did not know I still cared for her even though she now has a little child. To me being a single mom is not a cause to run away from a relationship but the attitude of the mom is what tells me to stay or go. looking at your self as if your damaged goods or to much of a burden send out a negative self image and then makes me say why does she feel this way. But looking at your child as a blessing and your self as another blessing you change the way you look at your self and so will men. I know I am not an expert or anything but being in love is something that happens over time never rush it, and go in to a relationship with the mind set of lets have fun with all of the family not just mom and some date. The best thing you women can do for your selves is to keep both eyes open and never think you’re not good enough. You’re a mother and a blessing to any mans life and your child will be another blessing to any man. Therefore any man who gets your affection will have a double blessing. I hope this helps and feel free to comment.

I found this on the web at this site http://singleparents.about.com/od/datingadvice/a/new_attitude.htm

New Ways of Thinking About Single Parent Dating Relationships
If you feel anxious about not being in a relationship, it may be time to adopt a whole new attitude toward single parent dating. Consider how these small changes could alter your perspective and help you enjoy the full, rich life you deserve.
Focus on expanding your social circle instead of "finding a mate."

Change your definition of what it means to have an active social life. When you focus on finding "the one," you're bound to put a lot of pressure on yourself. This can have two negative effects: First, it can cause you to make poor decisions; and, second, it can lead to unnecessary disappointment with an otherwise fulfilling life.

When you place your attention on expanding your social circle, though, you free yourself from that pressure. This enables you to focus on friendships and being with people who lift you up and bring joy to your life.

Make your social life part of your self-care plan.

To say you are "extremely busy" working and raising your children is an understatement. In fact, you may even feel like you just don't have time to date. If that's the case, I'd encourage you to think of socializing as part of taking care of yourself. You deserve to get out now and then. Spending some time away from your home and work responsibilities can be a refreshing part of honoring who you are and getting to know yourself again. Rather than feeling guilty about social engagements, view them as a part of your personal self-care plan.

Build each potential relationship on friendship, not just attraction.

Chances are, you pretty much know immediately whether you are attracted to someone or not. Rather than allowing only physical attraction to define your relationship, though, focus on really getting to know one another and exploring your common interests. This may require discipline and even some restraint. However, taking the time to get to know someone as a friend will allow you to see their best and worst qualities with clarity and make objective decisions about the potential of your relationship.

Be bold.

Take some risks. If you have serious hopes about enjoying a meaningful relationship, you're going to have to do some things you might not ordinarily do, in order to maximize your social opportunities. For some people this means being bold enough to initiate a conversation while standing in the checkout line. For others, it means going back to church, signing up with an online dating service, or putting the word "out" among friends that you'd like you find someone. Certainly you should never do something that makes you uncomfortable or that compromise your integrity. However, taking small risks that place you just outside your comfort zone can put you in a good position to meet many new and interesting people.

You are worth waiting for the right relationship.

Finally, don't compromise. You're not looking for someone who treats you well "most" of the time, makes you feel "somewhat" important, or has "a little bit" of respect for the work you do in the world. You are worth more than that. If you haven't believed that until now, then this is the time to throw away your old thinking habits and adopt a new attitude concerning your worth as a friend, a dating companion, and potentially as a mate.

Why I Love My Black Queen

I have seen on other blogs that Black women don’t feel they are the first choice for a white man. So I will now tell you why this white man chooses Black women and really the one black woman I am now with.
When My Queen and I first talked it was 4 years ago. She was my cousin’s friend. She was having problems with her boyfriend / fiancée. She and I talked for a while and I truly fell in love for this woman. The way she was captivated me and made me want to talk to her more and more. she had such a moral based style about her and more then that she was Godly and forgiving and compassionate. The things she told me she did for her man made me want some one to do them for me and I’m not talking sexually, I’m talking taking her guy out for a picnic, cuddling on the beach, just loving him as a woman loves a man. I have dated many types of women but have not had a woman do those things for me. she and I hit it off so well I knew there was chemistry there far more then ether of us were ready for. I knew she was the one woman I wanted to be with, but she was with another guy who was doing her wrong. it did not mean anything to me that he was a black guy, he was treating her like a dog and going behind her back and doing things no man or person should do when they are in a relationship. Anyway after a while she decided to tell me she could not talk to me any more, because she was with some one. I always thought I came on too strong, but I did try to take to her again and she would not respond. So I was honor bound to oblige her request, plus f I had continued she would have gotten a very bad image of me. I did not want to let her go but she made her choice I could only hope and pray she would change her mind.
After a few months my cousin told me My Queen married the guy. I was upset to say the least if I would have known when the day was I would have tried to stop it, but sadly My Queen did not let my cousin know and therefore I could do nothing. More time passed and I kept asking about My Queen from my cousin (I know my cousin was getting really tired of me asking about My Queen.) after a while my cousin told me My Queen was coming to town, I was excited and overjoyed at the chance of seeing her, but wondered why she was coming, come to find out her new husband had attacked her and was acting a fool. I never wanted to send someone to the ICU more in my life, but he way her husband and I had to remind myself she made her choice. I again could only hope and pray she would get away from him. During the time I heard she was now married till the time she was coming to town I prayed that her marriage would work, I even stopped dating I did not want another woman she was the only one I truly wanted and I knew it.
My Queen did come and gave birth to a beautiful child but she did not see me. Then she went back to him. I was devastated. I have had many friends be in relationships where a guy did not treat the woman well at all and they just stayed with him no matter how badly he treated her. I was grieved to think My Queen would be one of those relationships.
After this I could not bare to continue asking about My Queen. I stayed away from people and just waited and amerced myself in games and things that where complicated so I would not think about My Queen, I gave the picture I had of her to my cousin and erased all the things I had for her except some things I really liked that I could use for other things or maybe even other relationships should my heart grow back.
Over time one of my ex-girlfriends called me and wanted me to give her another chance I figured sure why not I have not dated any one in over 2 to 3 years and the One woman I wanted was now married. So she and I talked for a bit but it was a long distance relationship. She never really opened up to me and I really never opened up to her but I opened up as much as I could eventually she just stopped calling. I never really knew why until recently she was doing drugs and did not want to open up to me. so she just left me and then dated other people. While I still waited eventfully I got the hint she no longer wanted to talk to me so I just kept busy. One night at work a girl called asking for my cousin she sounded sweet and when I told my cousin he told me she would not leave him alone I figured why don’t she talk to me. (Note to self this was the time you messed up).
Well I did talk to her more and then I even dated her she was nothing that I thought she was she did every thing in her power to use me abuse me and then I found out she still wanted my cousin. After I left her months passed. Then I started talking to an old friend from high school. We talked for month but nothing really started she was a black women and I cherished her friendship and even wanted to see if a relationship would work, but she insisted a long distance relationship would not work between us and their for I was just a friend. Well after a little while I decided to just keep her as a friend and I let her know she was just a friend. She said it was for the best. And a few weeks after this My Queen emailed me she had decided to get a divorce because she could take no more and her husband was not even trying to keep her in fact he was doing every thing he could to push her out the door. This pained me, because My Queen deserved so much better. She never wanted to get a divorce never wanted to be hurt like this and I knew it. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to go threw with it, she said yes she was. She and I talked more and more and t was as if time had stood still.
As we talked My Heart burned livelier then it had in years and my imagination soared anew (which is a big deal for a graphic artist). My Queen told me she wanted to just be friends and I was ok with that. We talked for months and every time we talked time flew by as if she and I were moving so slow. After a little while I could not take it any longer I laid all my thoughts and cards out on the table I told her I loved her and that she was the Only One I wanted. She was taken back by this because she thought I would not talk to her let alone tell her my undying love for her. We continued to talk and just see how things we between us. She did not feel right about talking to me while she was going threw the divorce so we decided to stop talking again(this truly killed me to have her again and have to let her go this was just wrong) but I knew she was right and I would not wish for her to feel strange or pushed. I told her I understood and sent her a lasting message, one that was letting her know all my hopes and dreams about us and so on and that if she was unsure that I would understand if she decided to not go threw with the divorce there was no pressure because I did not want to be the reason she got the divorce. The next day when I could not talk to her I started a book for her( this was love letters for her, even though I did not know if she was going to come back to me or what not) then when I saw her lasting message to me it blew my mind! She said she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her Life with me. I was floored; I read that letter over and over. After a while I was just waiting and then out of the blue she called and told me she was not going to not talk to me. I was overjoyed to have her speaking to me again. This beautiful woman never ceases to amaze me. We have talked for over 5 months now as a couple and she is the only woman on this planet I want to be my bride. Right now we are in a long distance relationship, it’s hard but she and I both know it’s for the best she and I both want to wait till marriage and being so far from each other makes the temptation easier. Soon I will move to where she is and soon I will be with her. She is My Beloved Queen.
Well I know this does not tell all the reasons I love My Queen but it shows what she and I have endured. I love her for all that she is. I knew she was the one from the first week I spoke to her. Her heart is golden, she is virtuous, she is thoughtful, she is just as loyal as I am to a relationship. And she is just amazing. She and I have not had a single fight she knows my heart and I know hers. Skin color has nothing to do with it. It’s the personality and the way she is with me and the way I am with her, that makes our relationship work. There are times I feel unworthy to have a woman such as her in my life let alone her love. There is truly nothing (with in reason), I would not do to please My Queen. Well I hope you can see why I love this Black woman, if not then you are not then let me just say I love this Beautiful Black woman because of who she is. She is strong, smart, intelligent, kind, sweet, nurturing, Godly, Virtuous, merciful, forgiving, loyal, and so much more she is truly amazing. She is truly a Gem of God.

Have a Great day and God Bless.