Welcome to Romance and Relationship

This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

I hope to make this a site for people to come and get advice, share stories and so on.

Feel free to leave comments on my blog and how I might make it better.

Thanks for visiting Have a great day and God Bless

from movie "Something New"

Monday, May 26, 2008

What Do Women Want to Know???

Hello All,

I want to get an idea of what women want to know about men and what men think they want to know. Anything and everything is open for discussion. If you feel your topic is to personal, my email link is on my profile, so if you are so inclined you can contact me that way. This is your chance ladies to get all the answers, if I can give them to you.

Your questions and situations may relate to other topics or questions other women have, but are not sure how to put them in to words so please ask any and all questions you have.

This is your time Ladies let the questions, stories, and situations flow. If you send an email and only want me to email you back please let me know.

Thank you in advance.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Best date ever


I just wanted to get some feed back on what people feel is the best date ever.

This post goes along with the survey I have posted. If you want to share your best date feel free to do so, You could also share your worst date ever. Hopefully they are not the same date!

I'm kind of traditional I like dinner and a movie with a walk in a park or down a beach as the sun sets. This way I get alot of talking and something to talk about, but I also like more romantic dates. My favorate date is one filled with romance; candle lite dinner, walk on the beach at sunset or sunrise, you get the idea.

As for the best date I have been on... I have to say when I talk with My Queen, every talk is like a date.

As for the worst... hmm there have been many, but the one that stands out was when I was in the Navy in Virginia. I was hit on by this girl in Target and we went out on a date. The entire date was spent with her talking about her ex boyfriend. "Can we say awkward" I did not mind talking to her about it but honestly who likes talking to a "date" about how she wants her ex boyfriend. We both decided to just be friends and then I talked to her about her ex and what not. I found out then I was one of the guys people come to for advice or just to be someone to lean on. back then I thought "GREAT I'm in the freakin' friend zone."

Hope to hear some of your best/ worst date ideas, stories and so on.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say!!!

In the past relationships I have had I have had to guess what a woman means verse what they say. One case in point – I was dating a woman when I was in the Navy (8 or so years ago). I have always struggled with my weight, the lightest I have been as an adult was when I was in Boot Camp and even then I was 190. So I tried to loose weight with the take the miracle pill gimmick. When I told my gf at the time about it she said “Cool, I would like to try that too to see if it would work for me.” (I know what you’re thinking “Oh no he didn’t” and to that I say “YES, I did”). I sent her some of the pills because she said she wanted them. Well she was very hurt and offended because I sent the pills. But in my defense how was I supposed to know, I’m not a mind reader she said she wanted them so I sent them. Well soon after I was shipped out and then the relationship fell apart but that is a different story. My Queen makes fun of this story and my many mess-ups I have made with women, and I take it in stride, it’s not like I’m perfect or anything.

I have always been told growing up to say what you mean and mean what you say. I think it came from one of the Dr. Seuss books. But regardless, why is it women always try to have a guy read their minds? Personally I think it’s because women like messing with men’s minds. This would give them a reason to have an argument or what not as well as give them some “spice” in the relationship; you know the make up sex. So what do you folks think? Why do women expect me to read their minds or know what they mean verse what they say?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Do Black People Find Red Hair Attractive?

I’m curious, do black women like men with red hair? I came up with this question from this web site talking about red haired people http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_hair

One place in the article it says “Rees (2004) suggested that the vividness and rarity of red hair may lead to it becoming desirable in a partner and therefore it could become more common through sexual selection.[18]
Harding et al (2000) proposed that red hair was not the result of positive selection but rather occurs due to a lack of negative selection. In Africa, for example, red hair is selected against because high levels of sun would be harmful towards fair skin. However, in Northern Europe this does not happen and so redheads come about through genetic drift.[14]
And in another area of the same article
States “One variety of albinism (Type 3, aka rufous albinism), sometimes seen in Africans and inhabitants of New Guinea, results in red hair and red-colored skin.[35]

Again from the same article
“Another belief is that redheads are highly-sexed; for example, Jonathan Swift satirizes redhead stereotypes in part four of Gulliver's Travels, "A Voyage to the Country of the Houyhnhnms," when he writes that: "It is observed that the red-haired of both sexes are more libidinous and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength and activity." Swift goes on to write that: "...neither was the hair of this brute [a Yahoo] of a red color (which might have been some excuse for an appetite a little irregular) but black as a sloe..."[38]
Also in the article
"Many painters have exhibited a fascination with red hair. The color "titian" takes its name from Titian, who often painted women with red hair. Early Renaissance artist Sandro Botticelli's famous painting The Birth of Venus depicts the mythological goddess Venus as a redhead. "
Venus being the Godess of love and fertility in greek myth, so I wonder if Black women and men have any thoughts about red haired people as mates or do black women and men prefer people not of the red haired community?

Please leave comments if you wish.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Single Parent Dating

First lets start on why I am able to talk about this topic. I have dated a few women who are single parents. I am currently in a very serious relationship with one now. She is the one woman I plan on marrying. she is an amazing woman and her child I consider mine aswell. Over the years I have notices a trend regarding women who have a child from another man. the trends I have noticed

The mother feels like she is unattractive to single men.
The mother feels she is undeserving of love from a good man.
The mother tries to rush a relationship.
The mother seeks out a dad for her baby. (baby-dad)
The mother gets taken advantage of my some men.

These things I have noticed and would like to try to help in these areas. When a single parent is looking for a date, mate or significant other they tend to over look things that should not be over looked. First lets talk about how the woman is treated. I have seen and heard many women say “he treats me bad but what else is out there for a woman like me” let me say a man who would treat you in a manor that is degrading to you is not some one you want to be around or be in a relationship with. The reasons for this are because the man will just take advantage of you or worse warp your and your child’s minds, emotions and self worth.
Women who have children from other men have a vast array of emotions going almost all the time; worry for the child, the bills, and other facets of life. Sadly their self worth is questioned on many occasions. Ladies just because you have a child from another man does not mean you’re unattractive, or undeserving of love. It means you made a mistake with a man who did not love you, but the child is not the mistake, the man was. Your self worth should never be reliant on some one else. I have known many men who met and fell in love with a single parent, I’m one of them. Yes a child is a big responsibility for any one but if a guy is not willing to man up, then ladies he is not the man you want to be around. As far as I’m concerned he could looks like Brat Pitt but if he is not man enough to put aside his single life for one that is totally involved with you and your child then he is not worth keeping around or continuing a relationship with. Don’t get me wrong some time has to go buy for him to have ample time to take on the responsibility but that is not a bad thing ladies.
Lets talk about the rushing in to things. I know from my own experience with dating and relationships when ever I rushed it was a big mistake. When you rush a relationship you fail to truly see who it is you’re in the relationship with. A true understanding of someone is going to take time. any guy who tries to get you in to bed with in the first few dates or maybe even months is not some one who is going to respect you or your child. Relationships take time to fully grow to where you are so in love with one another that he will not stray from you. to find the guy that will be a great husband and father is not something you can truly rush nor should you. my advise is be patient, never try to jump to quickly, I know this is easier said then done but trust me your relationship will be stronger for waiting and finding a guy who is of quality rather then just finding some one doing things and then feeling regret and broken hearted.
I have dated some women who were not looking for a true relationship they just wanted a dad for their child, or (baby-dad). This is also connected to rushing a relationship. If you find a guy and your digging him. Just relax if he likes you he will start getting involved with you and your child. I know that having a guy met the child to early may scare the guy off but if a little kid scares him off was he really worth keeping??? Knowing when to have the guy and kid meet is truly up to you moms. But never just say here is my kid get to know him/her. Try to just get together with the guy at a place where both will be at ease. A play ground or parks are some good choices. Let the guy and kid talk for a bit with you there. More often then not the guy will ask what the kid likes to do or what not you know idle chit chat. This shows the guy is trying but really don’t know where to start so having knowledge before hand is going to make this a lot easier for the guy and child.
Make sure to have some kind of activity for the day will help the guy and child bond. (Women bond with kids far faster then men I think it has to do with a nurturing nature of women.) Anyway letting your child knows what is going on is also a good thing. There is nothing worst for a man then meeting a child and being accused of breaking mommy and daddy up then getting kicked in the shin by a four year old.

Last but hardly least is how single mothers get taken advantage of my some men. Sadly some men will see a single mom and think “hey, I could sleep with that easy.” Letting someone in to your life to quickly rarely turns out for the best. These kinds of men are the ones you want to avoid. But never use your child as a defense. Just let the guy know your not going to play doctor until marriage and that you’re looking for a man who will love you and your child. You’re a package deal and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Your still the same woman before the child but just a little wiser and have more responsibility. I have heard from women “I have changed so much” to this I say “Really how so.” Your body has gone threw changes, your emotions, maybe your personality but the thing is your still you. You have things changing all the time but when you have a child you just see them more. Lets face it ladies when have men ever truly known all about women. I think Eve made Adam have a lot of moments of confusion and frustration.
I know I have talked mostly about single mothers. This is because I don’t date single fathers and therefore have no idea what it takes to date them or their mind sets. But I have gotten to know a few single moms and the fears and mind sets of them by dating them and being friends with some of them. My future wife has a child and she was so nervous the first time we talked she did not know I still cared for her even though she now has a little child. To me being a single mom is not a cause to run away from a relationship but the attitude of the mom is what tells me to stay or go. looking at your self as if your damaged goods or to much of a burden send out a negative self image and then makes me say why does she feel this way. But looking at your child as a blessing and your self as another blessing you change the way you look at your self and so will men. I know I am not an expert or anything but being in love is something that happens over time never rush it, and go in to a relationship with the mind set of lets have fun with all of the family not just mom and some date. The best thing you women can do for your selves is to keep both eyes open and never think you’re not good enough. You’re a mother and a blessing to any mans life and your child will be another blessing to any man. Therefore any man who gets your affection will have a double blessing. I hope this helps and feel free to comment.

I found this on the web at this site http://singleparents.about.com/od/datingadvice/a/new_attitude.htm

New Ways of Thinking About Single Parent Dating Relationships
If you feel anxious about not being in a relationship, it may be time to adopt a whole new attitude toward single parent dating. Consider how these small changes could alter your perspective and help you enjoy the full, rich life you deserve.
Focus on expanding your social circle instead of "finding a mate."

Change your definition of what it means to have an active social life. When you focus on finding "the one," you're bound to put a lot of pressure on yourself. This can have two negative effects: First, it can cause you to make poor decisions; and, second, it can lead to unnecessary disappointment with an otherwise fulfilling life.

When you place your attention on expanding your social circle, though, you free yourself from that pressure. This enables you to focus on friendships and being with people who lift you up and bring joy to your life.

Make your social life part of your self-care plan.

To say you are "extremely busy" working and raising your children is an understatement. In fact, you may even feel like you just don't have time to date. If that's the case, I'd encourage you to think of socializing as part of taking care of yourself. You deserve to get out now and then. Spending some time away from your home and work responsibilities can be a refreshing part of honoring who you are and getting to know yourself again. Rather than feeling guilty about social engagements, view them as a part of your personal self-care plan.

Build each potential relationship on friendship, not just attraction.

Chances are, you pretty much know immediately whether you are attracted to someone or not. Rather than allowing only physical attraction to define your relationship, though, focus on really getting to know one another and exploring your common interests. This may require discipline and even some restraint. However, taking the time to get to know someone as a friend will allow you to see their best and worst qualities with clarity and make objective decisions about the potential of your relationship.

Be bold.

Take some risks. If you have serious hopes about enjoying a meaningful relationship, you're going to have to do some things you might not ordinarily do, in order to maximize your social opportunities. For some people this means being bold enough to initiate a conversation while standing in the checkout line. For others, it means going back to church, signing up with an online dating service, or putting the word "out" among friends that you'd like you find someone. Certainly you should never do something that makes you uncomfortable or that compromise your integrity. However, taking small risks that place you just outside your comfort zone can put you in a good position to meet many new and interesting people.

You are worth waiting for the right relationship.

Finally, don't compromise. You're not looking for someone who treats you well "most" of the time, makes you feel "somewhat" important, or has "a little bit" of respect for the work you do in the world. You are worth more than that. If you haven't believed that until now, then this is the time to throw away your old thinking habits and adopt a new attitude concerning your worth as a friend, a dating companion, and potentially as a mate.