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This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

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from movie "Something New"

Monday, May 19, 2008

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say!!!

In the past relationships I have had I have had to guess what a woman means verse what they say. One case in point – I was dating a woman when I was in the Navy (8 or so years ago). I have always struggled with my weight, the lightest I have been as an adult was when I was in Boot Camp and even then I was 190. So I tried to loose weight with the take the miracle pill gimmick. When I told my gf at the time about it she said “Cool, I would like to try that too to see if it would work for me.” (I know what you’re thinking “Oh no he didn’t” and to that I say “YES, I did”). I sent her some of the pills because she said she wanted them. Well she was very hurt and offended because I sent the pills. But in my defense how was I supposed to know, I’m not a mind reader she said she wanted them so I sent them. Well soon after I was shipped out and then the relationship fell apart but that is a different story. My Queen makes fun of this story and my many mess-ups I have made with women, and I take it in stride, it’s not like I’m perfect or anything.

I have always been told growing up to say what you mean and mean what you say. I think it came from one of the Dr. Seuss books. But regardless, why is it women always try to have a guy read their minds? Personally I think it’s because women like messing with men’s minds. This would give them a reason to have an argument or what not as well as give them some “spice” in the relationship; you know the make up sex. So what do you folks think? Why do women expect me to read their minds or know what they mean verse what they say?


Felicity said...

It really depends on the woman and how they have been brought up. My mother had very few female friends, because she was a dress maker and she hated pretendous people, especially women. She needed straight talkers, are they going to buy her or not, if not. If men were rude to her, she would tell them off, and as for women, she would tell them, she would not work for them anymore. As a result, I myself had very few female friends, again. I can't stand mind games, I have only two female friends, one have have know for twenty three years and other for nine years. Another 'friend' which I put inverted comma, which I have known since primary school, I was nine years old at the time. She is a great mind player, which I discovered to my shock last Friday. I realise that I have to distance myself from her, because I work from home, I am not use to the mind politics people play, in schools and organisations and it becomes second nature. It takes a great strength. To say what you really mean and go for it and you will be healthy for it, because you don't have to pretend. My daily motto is 'I want my life to be easy'.

ABC said...

I am bw and I don't believe in playing mind-games or having mind- games being played with me. If I have a question to ask a man, I will be direct. Instead of, "do I look fat in this dress" I would rather ask "I do you like how I look good in this dress". I never got why women can't be more direct. If it's a compliment you're seeking, just ask for one.

I am also like Felicity. I have very few female friends. I try not to get too close to them because the women I have known in the past were very insecure, negative and enjoyed playing pointless mind-games. I think insecurity is at the root of why, we as women play games. It's really a waste of energy.

I have to admit that I do play hard-to-get with men but once I decide to let them catch me. The game ends and it's time to get serious.

BWtamedKen said...

Felicity - I know what you mean. I only have one best friend that is a woman, that is My Queen. other then that I just have a few women (who I'm not related to) that I talk with but no more then a distant friend and even then I barly talk to them. I think the last time I talked to one of my distant friends was about 3 or 4 months ago and My Queen Knows when I talk to them, I don't hide anything from My Queen, that would be a mind game if I did not let her know everything.

ABC - I personally Like direct far more then playing mind games. My Queen has never played mind games on me, which has been a blessing. I know women like men to chase after them and most men like the chase as well but when mind games get involved things get needlessly confusing.

Felicity said...

Ken, I think that our society honesty is not the best policy. It is important to be honest, and sometimes you have to be diplomatic. However a lot of men play mind games, I was married to one myself, and my relatives screamed and howled because I divorced him, quite frankly he was a liar and he was disloyal. I also believe that people who play mind games put your life in danger, because they lie so much, you don't know anything anymore and the world you have created with them is false. Like you when I get married, my only friend would be my husband, of course, there would be the usual hair forum I go out with for Nandos once a month and exchange our hair products, but hubby is my best friend!
Like ABC, I would interview a man, and really observe him and listen to what he is saying and not saying.

BWtamedKen said...

Felicity said...
"Ken, I think that our society honesty is not the best policy. It is important to be honest, and sometimes you have to be diplomatic. However a lot of men play mind games, ... I also believe that people who play mind games put your life in danger, because they lie so much, you don't know anything anymore and the world you have created with them is false."

Hello felicity,
I have to agree that our society is not always honest and that is a reall shame. but i have to say I have never been diplomatic. I have never wanted to be anything but honest, and sadly our diplomatic people could use so many ways to lie. they double talk, distract, flat out lie, confuse and confound. I think having an honest full view of things is better then the subterfuge used in diplomacy.

I honestly try not to play mind games it's a waist of time to me. i have dated many women who loved to play games mind, emotional and others. I have gotten tired of the confusion and uneasyness mind games play on ones mind, emotions, and overall physical well being.

interviewing some one is a good thing but knowing what questions to ask is even better. when My Queen and I first got toether she interigated me about every thing course i did tell her she could ask me anything she wanted no topic untouchable.

Pirouette said...

By nature, I tend to be fairly direct. But I also try to be diplomatic as well, and not brutally honest, because it's all in how you say what you say.

Ken, it's funny how you ask if women want men to read their minds. I think if I've been with someone for a while, I would hope that he knows me well enough to know what I like and don't like. Ironically, I found there were many times when I was a direct as I could be with my ex, and he still couldn't get a clue! And because of my direct nature, I got accused of being "feisty"! So go figure.

Anyway, I do believe that all folks should be honest, and at the same time, mind how they express their honesty.

do pheromones work said...

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