Welcome to Romance and Relationship

This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

I hope to make this a site for people to come and get advice, share stories and so on.

Feel free to leave comments on my blog and how I might make it better.

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from movie "Something New"

Monday, September 15, 2008

Ask Ken Section


Hello All,

Here is your section to ask me Questions get advice and what ever you want. feel free to comment about what ever is on your mind, love, life, whatever.


One thing though- please be clean I would not like to have to delete comments because they were to vulgar or demeaning to others. other then that have a blast and let the communication flow.

8 comments:

cocoalady said...

Why is it so hard for a WM to come up and talk to you, but they will constantly stare at you?

BWtamedKen said...

cocoalady said...
"Why is it so hard for a WM to come up and talk to you, but they will constantly stare at you?"

My Response,
Well depending on the WM upringing. some white men maybe intimidated by a BW or Women in general. if he is staring it could be he is looking at you and trying to find a way to approach you, or he could be a stalker. I'm a shy kind of guy myself so when i look at a woman for a while i tend to try and thing of possible ways the conversation could go and try and think of the best possible outcome and the worst. If you are interested in a guy who is lokking you down why not give him some starting area to make conversation. I'm not saying walk up to him and start hitting on him but why not if you see him ask him "do I have something on my face" or what ever you think the guy is looking at and if he says "no" and lets it die then walk away, but if he says "no" and starts a conversation then you could have broken the ice with a shy guy and who knows what will happen. If he says yes the quickly take out a mirror and clean your self up. but at least you givehim the oppertunity to talk to you.
Course you could just do nothing and wait for him to get the guts to talk to you and make the first move but that is all up to you.

Tori C said...

Ken-
Finally found someone whom I feel truely adore and loves me...
But I have issues
How can I get passed being so jealous of his ex's?
It is really putting gap in what we have. He is very patient and understanding but I find myself soemtimes comparing myself to his ex's and it gets me sad and depressed. I know it hurts him when I do that because he hates to hear me put myself down but I cannot help it. I told him I want to get therapy for that and other emotional issues that I have put off dealing with because I want our relationship to be a healthy one but I dunno if I am ready.

Tori

BWtamedKen said...

Tori Said..."Finally found someone whom I feel truely adore and loves me...
But I have issues
How can I get passed being so jealous of his ex's?
It is really putting gap in what we have. He is very patient and understanding but I find myself soemtimes comparing myself to his ex's and it gets me sad and depressed. I know it hurts him when I do that because he hates to hear me put myself down but I cannot help it. I told him I want to get therapy for that and other emotional issues that I have put off dealing with because I want our relationship to be a healthy one but I dunno if I am ready."

My Response..
Hey Tori,
first and for most your issues are farly common in people both men as well as women. You need to stop comparing your self to his ex's it does not matter what they were to him they are not with him, you are!

second
you need to look at your self through Gods eyes not just your man's eyes or worst your own, we are our own worst judges, we are critical of every thing we do and there fore our own judgement is far to harch on many things.
God says we are all gems, rare and unique. you could look at statistices if you wish in a world full of people 4.5 billion or so there is only one you. sure some one may have similar features and attrubutes but they are not you. jealousy stems from a feeling of infeariority or mistrust getting over that is a must for any relationship.

My Queen and I have each experienced this being jealous of others but the way we over came it is to reasure each other that there is no one else that we want. it takes time and alot of commplements and reasureance but over time you will build your relationship stronger for doing so. this builds trust and respect not to mention intimacy with one another.

third
STOP putting your self down.
when we put ourselves down we make our judgements about ourselves come out and as stated before there is only one you. only God can judge us with pirfect vision so why make it harder on your self by looking at your self with harch judgement eyes that are not fair?

fourth
the best therapy is this.
out of every one on the planet he chose you. your worth is more then Diamonds on a shelf or fine Gold fit for a Queen. looking at your self from Gods perspective changes the way you see everything. so Look through Gods eyes at your self. yes we make mistakes but we come to Him and he will heal us and make us whole.

I wish you luck on this journy and Hope to hear how you two are doing. My hope is your relationship will grow and never stop growing. I hope this helped.

Ken

LVL said...

Why is it hard to believe that a woman can be single and happy.

BWtamedKen said...

LVL said...
"Why is it hard to believe that a woman can be single and happy."

My Response...
Well the quick and dirty of your question - peoples perspective on singleness is strongly inforced by socal views. Socal views say to find someone because you can't be happy alone. look at all the movies and shows that say FIND SOMEONE NOW. This leads to a feeling of desperation trying to fine The One. but can some one be single and happy I say Yes. I have know women who choose to never remarry and they are happy. but they are very few. I have even known about a woman being a virgin for life. so yes it is possible for some one to be happily single for life.

The long version-
now adays people find them selves searching always searching, for a great job, The One, or what have you. when it comes to being single and happy means you are not stressing about finding The One your just living life. if some one chooses to be single for the rest of thier life hey great but the problem is that if you want to be with some one sexually and want to be single your fighting your own nature. being single means your not looking for some one to fulfill some need in your life but if you desire to be sexually active then you are looking to fill a sexual need.
this is where the terms swinger and dog or what have you came from. some one who don't want the responsibilities of a family but wants to play the marrage game when it comes to sexuallity.

It takes a strong person to be single. to never want some one as a companion for life. but also now adays the view of single is much diffrent then it once was. now a single person can go to a club find some one and explore thier sexuallity with them but this was not always so. we also have ways of making the women be mothers with out the fathers. todays tmes say to people you can have your cake and cookies too. but the problem is that this takes away from what once was. rasing a child with only one parent is hard and the child will lack in some way no matter how much people say you can rase a child in a single parent home just as good as with a nuclear family. they are fooling them selves. women can do alot to make up for the lack of a father but the fact remains the father is missing and lets face it being a single dad is hard too. I could not even imagin the difficulty of explaining why my daughter is bleeding that special time of the month. or the othe rmany ways a father has to try and deal with out a mother.

I spent many years being single and yes I was happy. Did I want to be with some one sure because as the Bible says "It is not right for man to be alone." so if you can be single and not alone but also holding off the urges of sexuallity great for you. I could not see my self doing that.

MystereDancer said...

Hi Ken :)
I'm dating a WM that has never dated a BW before. He's smart, senstive and very open to new experiences. Rarely does the issue of race comes up in our conversations..we are two people who have connected in a very deep manner.
my question:
How do I help him sort through issues of racism that could be directed towards him?
Thanks and Peace

BWtamedKen said...

MystereDancer said...
"Hi Ken :)
I'm dating a WM that has never dated a BW before. He's smart, senstive and very open to new experiences. Rarely does the issue of race comes up in our conversations..we are two people who have connected in a very deep manner.
my question:
How do I help him sort through issues of racism that could be directed towards him?
Thanks and Peace"

My Response,
First congrats on the relationship. I hope it goes well for you both. Now to your question. iI have had to learn that there is always going to be some one who thinks bad of you and your significant other. racism is just a hatered of a color and race. things that no one can help or change. the best way to help him know what is comming is to talk about it. let him know (if he don't already) that some people are going to disaprove of your relationship because of his and your race. this is because they are not open minded and unwilling to overcome thier own hatered and bigotry. racist tend to feed on reaction and sensitive areas. when some one makes a comment directed at you you have a choice. confont the person or let it slide. if you confront the person a confrontation may happen. if you let it slide your partner may feel that you are ok with the racist remark it is a no win situation. but talking to each other and leting each other know how you feel will help disolve some of the confusion. so that if your man does not confront the racist you know he is just being the bigger man and not letting the comment hurt your relationship. some times a confrontation is warented but those are few. trying to stop racist with confrontations only leads to what they want a fight. stoping a violent person with violence solves nothing. it only makes you stoop to his or her level. if at work talk to yoour supervisor, or higher ups. if in public make a choice on how you want to react and talk to your loved one.
from what i can tell racist will be around for a while. to everyones dismay. but remember that the racist is the ignorant one and nothing better to do with thier time then hate some one because of a color or race or what ever. be the better man and woman one who is strong and has enough strenght to not get goated in to a conflict. Communinication between you and your loved one are key.
I hope this helped.