Welcome to Romance and Relationship

This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

I hope to make this a site for people to come and get advice, share stories and so on.

Feel free to leave comments on my blog and how I might make it better.

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from movie "Something New"

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Love Vs. Lust

Hello Ladies and Gents,
While I was surfing the net, I came across the age old question, is my relation based on love or lust? While many may search out the top ten reasons. I find that the top ten are very flawed, they are generalized and lack any real depth. So I decided to look deeper then just the top ways to know. Lets start with some definitions the best way to classify something is to give it a definition. You can find definitions by doing a simple web search.

Love - is the unconditional acceptance of all things as they are.
To alter or expand them by contributing to them in a loving way
Creates blessings. To alter, judge or limit them by force or fear
Creates burdens which you must carry, experience or learn from.

Lust - is wanting something that you can't have, taking something
that isn't yours, (through acquisition, force, coercion or manipulation),
and believing in something that isn't loving, (like domination, control
or sacrifice (not self)).

Biblical perspective on love vs lust
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up the common traits and variances of love and lust.
LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding
LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest
LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment,
Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful,
Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, dishonest

Now that we have the definitions of love and lust lets look at the cultural view of it in our time
The US has many ways to sell items the most profit selling tool is lust. Show a woman half nude and guys will buy the magazine because he can’t control his base desires, because of lack of discipline. Whoooops I said discipline, that is taboo in today’s culture. Parents give their unruly kids a spanking and HELLO the child services are all over them. is not discipline a form of love also? Teaching your kids how to respect others and authority, I’m not talking about walking in the door and giving your kid a shiner or a nice square kick to the ribs but a ferm swat to the butt because of a legitimate reason. Not out of anger or frustration but out of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. If he is unruly he will be spanked to help him not be unruly. Simple but very effective. I speak from many, many, MANY spanking or laying on of hands sessions where i was the offeneder not the spanker. Love of your children is one thing that is very profound. The love a mother or father has for thier child is like nothing else. You want the best for them, better then what you have, you worry if they are sick or in trouble. You will do all you can to keep the child from danger or harm of any sort. That is a parent’s love. As for lust in this area ok sicko go get some counseling and leave them kids alone.

Ok back to our love vs. lust for relationships, our culture has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it's acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones.

Love involves unselfish acts. Faith is the foundation of God's message. By putting our complete faith in God gives us the freedom to love others completely.

We have talked about love a little and since we more often lust before we love lets look at lust.
Acting out lustful desires is very harmful in four ways.
1. Lustful desires destroys marriage
2. Lustfulness is rebelliousness to God
3. Lustfulness always hurts someone
4. Lustful acts lead to premarital sex

If lustful desires are in our thoughts, then they most likely will come out in our actions!
Lustful thinking can turn into
Premarital sex which can lead to genital/ sexual diseases or lack of sexual interest with spouse or both which will quite often lead to Adultery and end in divorce. And many people wonder why our divorce rate is so high both in and out of the church. I admit people are not perfect, but if you love some one you will do all you can to be with that one person for the rest of your life. I heard an old phrase long ago “if you got a gourmet meal at home why settle for a quick bite.” This rings true now more then ever, if you have a loving woman or man at home. Why settle for a quicky when you can have something far more satisfying at home waiting for you?

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis, men a little more then women I fear. God doesn't forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people lives physically and spiritually and emotionally. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him. It hurts us because after a couple has sex things may be weird for a little bit after sex because you just gave each other something so unique and special. If you’re out side of a marriage then you just gave it to some one who may not respect the gift.

The more I think about it, when we meet someone for the first time or see someone from across the room and we see something we like. We are able to start lusting for them but is this how all relationships start? First we see someone then we get to know them, we build on the relationship from friends but some where we are faced with lustful desires. I know from my past, even now, I struggle with lustful desires. Though I love My Queen with all my heart and when she is not talking to me or has some thing she must work out on her own, I long to help her and I miss her so much, I’m on the verge of despair. Because I want to be with her so very much not in a sexual way, though that is most defiantly there, but for her emotionally, spiritually, physically and in every way a husband wants to be there for his bride. When she says I need time to get over some thing I dread it because I miss her so, not for my self but because I miss her voice and laughter, hearing how our daughter is doing and the inner play between the two of them. I desire more then anything to be there with them to help and love them. So how many times have you truly been loved? Is your past relationships and current relationship lust or love?

Just because I like to drive in points, here are some ways to know if it is love or lust.
Love is patient. Sometimes sex sounds like love, but it's not.
Lust can't wait; it's impulsive.

Love is kind.
Lust is cruel, critical, manipulative.

Love does not envy. "I need you" isn't the same as "I will be here for you."
Lust seeks more than it earns.

Love does not boast.
Lust builds self at another's expense.

Love is not proud. "I want you" doesn't mean "I want to give my life to you.”
Lust is easily threatened.

Love is not rude.
Lust is disrespectful and thoughtless.

Love is not self-seeking. "You're gorgeous" doesn't mean" I love you for who God made you to be."
Lust is demanding and uncaring.

Love is not easily angered.
Lust is temperamental and retaliates.

Love keeps no record of wrong. "I'll be gentle" is not the same as" I care about your heart and feelings."
Lust does not forget offenses.

Love does not delight in evil.
Lust commits wrong to get its own way; it rationalizes

Love rejoices in the truth. "It feels good" doesn't mean "I want you to feel good about yourself after it's over."
Lust encourages lies and covers misdeeds.

Love always protects.
Lust takes to gain its own end and lacks concern for others.

Love always trusts "Everybody's doing it" does not mean "I want to do it God's way." Lust is suspicious and jealous.

Love always hopes.
Lust always takes chances at your expense.

Love always perseveres. "You're so good, I want you now" isn't the same as "You're so good, I’m willing to wait."
Lust backs out when it's no longer convenient.

Love never fails; it's constant and enduring.
Lust ceases when self is no longer served; it's fickle, insecure, unfaithful.

I hope you have found this helpful and leave comments if you’re inclined.

A Personal note to My Queen.
My Dearest Queen, My Love,
I Daffodil 2 you are well. I miss you so very much, Jasmine (Carolina) from you is Cypress 1 to me. When I gaze upon your Alyssum, I praise God for the Amaryllis gem, He has blessed me with. Chrysanthemum (red) you My Queen. I am Althea for you.
With every breath with in me I am Camellia (pink). (Milk-Vetch), I miss you so much and hope to hear from you soon. Rose(Austrian) to me.
God Bless You and Our lil’ Angel.
Rose (Montiflora),


Alexis Sky said...


Soo true! I learned this the hard way after I refused give my virginity to a guy I had a 4-year online long-distance relationship with.

I gave myself to him emotionally (which ended up being very painful) -- but he wanted me PHYSCIALLY and always went great lengths to remind me of it. By the 3rd year, he grew tired of “waiting” for me to give ALL of myself (physically) and walked away, dating/seeking loose woman.

Now, looking back, I am so glad I never met this guy let alone sleep with him. Once I ended things, I finally began to see him for what he REALLY WAS as opposite to who I THOUGHT he was.

Praise God - though God gave me many warnings (by instincts/holy spirit) about the guy, despite the fact I refused to listen (rationalized instead) at the time. Now I know of the wisdom of listening to your "gut" and never ignoring the warning signs when one sees it.

But I totally agree with everything you posted in your blog. 100%. You clearly outlined the differences between love and lust clearly. Wish there were more MEN out there like you out there in the world. Your QUEEN is one very lucky woman :-D!

Pirouette said...

Very insightful post. It's a lot to digest. I need to reread this one! Thanks!

S.S. said...

This is a lot to digest and read here. Glad somebody out there gets it.

Felicity said...

Very insightful post, I was married for seven years and although I waited until I married to have sex, I realise that my ex husband was only interested in my physically. He would hardly talk to me, but only when he wanted sex. I realise that I was not happy, I started to get old from the stress and the disappointment. I had to ask God to end my marriage, it was my ex-husband who told me that he no longer wanted me, divorce was painful, I cried and some of my relatives were very angry, that I divorced. I realised that throughout the engagement, God was showing me, not to marry my husband, our relationship was so difficult. I realise when you are in the stream of a good relationship, things just flows, you do get hiccup now and then, but there is peace and I realise that there was never any peace i our marriage. I have come to realise there are many good decent man out there and good women also, but we must realise that we are children of the most High God and we deserve the very best in our in all aspects of our life and we are supposed to have marriages made in heaven. In our lifetime, we are supposed to bring heaven here on earth. Thank you so much for that.

BWtamedKen said...

Hello all,
thank you all for your comments.

Alexis sky- thanks for your information and I hope you found some one who makes every day easier and sweeter. as i hope for every one but sadly we sometimes get the hard road.
I think My Queen and I are very lucky to have one another, she has saved me from getting tied down with some one who does not love me so I may fly with some one who does. she is the best woman I know and I hope to be with her very soon God Willing.

Pirouette said...
"Very insightful post. It's a lot to digest. I need to reread this one! Thanks!"

my reply..
I hope it's not to over the top.

S.S. said...
This is a lot to digest and read here. Glad somebody out there gets it.

my reply...
Hey S.S what do you not understand? I hope I can clarify.

Hello Felicity,
thank you for your comment. I wonder how many people go threw almost the same thing. Thanks for your input and devulging this I know it could not be easy.

For those of you who have gone threw a devorce, how did you get over your ex's? just curious.

MystereDancer said...

Hi Ken, this is an answer to your question reagarding divorce:
it was very easy for me since he was physically and emotionally abusive! The day I divorced the ex, my heart soared once again toward the sky and I never looked back!!! Ironically, my ex and I are very good friends now, due forgiveness and straightforward communication in regards to our children. He's on his 3rd marriage and I doubt that I ever want to be tied down to man again within the bounds(chains) of matrimony.Peace!

S.S. said...

NO, what I meant was that I'm glad that there is a guy out there that understands the difference between love and lust.

Anonymous said...

I have to tell you that this was beautifully, beautifully written. It was too much for me to read in one sitting. I'll have to keep coming back.

Jenna said...

Hey Ken! You've been tagged.

BWtamedKen said...

Jenna said...
"Hey Ken! You've been tagged."

Hey Jenna,
Tagged??? like school yard tag or what?

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

This is my first visit here but very insightful post.

I think I have loved, but after consideration I am sure I have not received love in return. You can love someone and not have them give the same kind of love in return. Often times, you find out too late that their love is deep lust masked as the real thing.

Great post...gives a lot to think about.

Phantom Mare said...

Very nice post!