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This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

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from movie "Something New"

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Looks or Personality?


I have seen this controversy/ delima on many blogs, on TV and in Magizines. What is the big deal? if you have someone or are looking for someone why only look at the "hot hunks" or the "sexy cute guys or girls" or the "babe"? why are we so drawn to the physical bodies of others when we look for dates or relationships?

First off don't be drawn by beauty, the bible says staight up that beauty is passing. Many people look at me and think great another butterball but I have things that most the "hot guys" don't. I respect women perhaps to a fault, but a woman who I date knows she has someone who will not play games, will not cheat, and will not lie to her, among other things.
My looks may not be the best but I'm cool with that because my future wife loves the way I look and loves the way I am. You will also find that with other guys who may not be the ideal picture fodder that they have qualities that are above what you expect. When finding a guy or girl to start a relationship with don't just look at the outside that should be the last quality you want.

So why is it many women and men go for the outside packaging first?
If a guy or girl treats you badly why let thier looks keep you with them?

I wonder if people stay with the "hunks" or "babe" just for bragging rights. so when they are walking down the street they can look at others faces and say "yep this is mine"with the look of tripump on thier faces. or is it because of society's puss for the "beautiful people"?
One thing I have found is that no matter what someone looks like if they don't respect you enough to treat you like you should be treated then don't let the outside package and the"bragging rights" keep you with them.
If you can't tell i'm not one of the "beautiful people" like the hollywood type. I don't think I look bad but yeah I have some extra baggge and let me tell you if I got in to a fight with a "beatuful guy" I would stright up make him no longer "beautiful". Sure he would look good in the hospital bed with all the IV in his arm but the face would be one only a mother could love, but lets face the facts we see some one and think "hey I wonder if he or she is single?" Then we start trying to get the atTention of the "hot" people and leave the rest behind because of the outward apperatrance. This is a sad fact but I have not met some one who says "Yeah I fell for her personality when I saw her." We are so drawn to the good looking people because of society and the way our values have changed.
To show the diffrence in values lets look at africa. Many tribed there have diffrent values for how to look at women and men. For the men they want a woman with big hips the bigger the better. The women who are small and what we Americans would consider "hot" are avoided over there. Also the women are looking for men who can be providers and fathers not the "hot" guys. the ones who don't have jobs or can't support a family are avoided. So why is it here in America its so hard for the guys who don't look like the "hot guys" to get someone who will love them for who they are and how well they can provide.
I'm not saying women don't look at those things but if a guy is "hot" a woman will take alot more for him then from a guy who is not "hot". We have become a society of people who lust at first sight. there is no such thing as love at first sight. when we first see some one who is good looking the room stops and the men drool and the women gaze (which is woman talk for women drool). then if someone is single they try to get the attention of the good looking one. not because they like thier personality but because they are "Hot". now if some one who is ok or a little over weight comes in people may notice they are there but no one drools or gazes no one trys to go tale to them.
so why the double standard? has society programed us with the TV and Movies to see what is "beautiful"?

6 comments:

WMtamedMe said...

I so agree with you about the whole looks or personality thing. Men and women tend to focus on the outside appearance but the inside of a person is what matters and is what lasts for a lifetime. I do understand that physical attraction is a natural thing,but after you meet someone that you find attractive you have to dig much deeper. Looking at the surface alone is not enough. I met a guy that I thought was attractive and he just so happen to be the best man in the world. He is sweet,chariming, romantic,respectful,passionate,loving, etc. Above all things he is a Christian man that is willing to wait 'till marriage for me. This is an example of what happens when you look deeper.

BWtamedKen said...

wmtamedme thanks for the comment I was beginning to think I was way of base. I'm Glad you found a man like that I hope he will always treat you right and that you will treat him right. You sound like a very lucky woman and I'm sure he feels like a very lucky guy.

Tori C said...

I JUST read this post...
This is a very serious topic for me where I will admit that I am "shallow" when it comes to the looks part!
Ok I was always told as a young child being the "darkest" in my family that I was "ugly" because my sister were so much lighter skinned "French Creole and black" and had long pretty hair. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that Grace Jones was frickin Gorgeous!!! Stunning "black" woman and so I started to seek the beauty in ME! It was a white guy who first told me over and over that I was attractive or stunning or any of those words a girl really wants to hear. So now I am comfortable saying that YES I think I am attractive so yes I go for equally attractive men..
Now attractive doesn't always equal brians or manners. TRUST ME THIS I KNOW. But now I will settle for cute and sweet. I would be lying if I said looks doesn't matter but for me they do. I have to admit that I have men that are more attracted to my pictures than me. So when they see me without makeup its a shock to them. At the end of the day I just want someone who will love me for me. I have a TON of flaws and I want someoen to embrace my flaws as well as my perfections....

BWtamedKen said...

Tori C said...
I JUST read this post...
This is a very serious topic for me where I will admit that I am "shallow" when it comes to the looks part!
Ok I was always told as a young child being the "darkest" in my family that I was "ugly" because my sister were so much lighter skinned "French Creole and black" and had long pretty hair. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that Grace Jones was frickin Gorgeous!!! Stunning "black" woman and so I started to seek the beauty in ME! It was a white guy who first told me over and over that I was attractive or stunning or any of those words a girl really wants to hear. So now I am comfortable saying that YES I think I am attractive so yes I go for equally attractive men..
Now attractive doesn't always equal brians or manners. TRUST ME THIS I KNOW. But now I will settle for cute and sweet. I would be lying if I said looks doesn't matter but for me they do. I have to admit that I have men that are more attracted to my pictures than me. So when they see me without makeup its a shock to them. At the end of the day I just want someone who will love me for me. I have a TON of flaws and I want someoen to embrace my flaws as well as my perfections....

Hello Tori,
being attracted to some one is a given when your thinking about getting in to or are in a relationship with someone, but when looks overshadow the way they treat you something is wrong. far to often people go after some one who is sexy or hot and after a while the sexyness or hot ness takes a back seat to thier attitude and the way they treat the peroson they are with.
from my own experience I have never been the hot guy with the six pack more like the big guy with the keg. ibefore i started dating the Woman i am with now i dated a girl who was shallow. i did not know this when i met her i thought "she was cute and figures hey why not see what happens?" long story short she went from being cute to phycohosebeast in less then 10 months. she had a good body and was cute but her personality was such a turn off. she treated me and others as if we owed something to her for just being in her presanse, and if she did not get what she wanted oh man she was a total witch to say it lightly. i found her to be the bane of our relationship i would try to talk to her and she would get a little beter for about a week but she would always go back the same way of treating people or worse.
personally i don't find shallow people sexy cute or any of those things but finding a woman who knows how to treat people with respect, treat her man with love, respect, compassion, forgivness, like he is the only one she truly desires, that is so much more sexy. if a woman had a body that was ok but treated a guy like that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world.
I was very blessed to get the woman I am now with. she had all those qualities and is sexy. but even if she did not have the body she does and treated me the way ahe does I would see her the same as I do now. but yes being attracted to some one is first a physical thing but don't let it define your selection of some one.

Anonymous said...

I say personality over looks. But I want a man that is well groomed (neat and clean)..he doesn't have to be a model or have a six pack.

DiosaNegra1967 said...

Ken....just for the record, "kegs" have their own special appeal! LOL

As a chica who appreciates fuller-bodied men (and women), I have to say that I agree that most people are focused a bit too much on surface appearances. Of course, someone has to have a pleasant demeanor (and a pleasant looking face), but to expect every WM to resemble Brad Pitt (I've read that some BW think he's "weasely" looking, though....LOL) or every BW to resemble Beyonce (with/without the lace front - take your pick) is ridiculous and obviously setting yourself up for a big 'ol letdown...IMHO...