Things Are Progressing!

Hello All,

Well things have been moving very, very fast for me. I have been so busy the last few months. Here is a recap… I got in to an accident thank God no one was hurt and no one was given a ticket. Work allowed me to keep my job and position. My wife and I are both looking forward to college. She starts in a few days I will start next semester. I have a lot of things to do like get my immunization records and pay my application fee and so on. Things with my wife and I are going great we learn new things about each other every day. Some things drive each of us up a wall but most we stand in awe of one another. It is truly amazing how different we are but that is also a major attraction.

Being a new father is really new but I love my daughter so very much. We all just got back from a wedding of one of my wife’s friends. Ii danced with both my wife and my daughter. Life is truly amazing. I went from being a lonely man who lives with his parents helping them with many tasks, to being a husband, father, son, and son in law. In just one year. Now it is 2010 and in refection I have been blessed to have a woman who loves me, a daughter who looks up to me, a family that has grown larger. I hope this New Year I gain more friends, gain more intelligence, and fitness, and that I will be a better husband, father, and friend. I also hope all of you are Blessed this year.

God Bless You All.

Ken

Plans of Mice and Men

Hello Everyone,
Well the second job is finally over and I was able to save up almost all the money I needed. Sadly the best laid plans of mice and men happened and I had to spend quite a lot to get my transmission rebuilt. It seems I had no second gear oh well at least I will have a great running truck when I drive cross country to be with My Queen.
I’m hoping to be moving in March or April to Florida. Anyway not much else happened and I was able to retain some of the money I just have to save up some more and I should have enough to get there and start a new life there. I’m hoping to start writing again and who knows maybe work on a book.
Since thanks giving and Christmas are around the corner I would like to say something about Family.
Family is a funny thing no matter how much they annoy you, you always let it slide for the most part. Their family what can you do. I say this because it seems like my parents are being driven nuts by me wanting to be with My Queen, My brother has not graced us with his presence in over 7 years and my sister and her husband are driving each other nuts. But hey that’s family. No matter how much we drive each other nuts we are willing to forgive and forget as long as it is not too far. But I have heard of brothers taking another brothers girlfriend and even worst stuff and all I can say is any one who would take your brother over you or your sister over you is not worthy of you. But I thank God every day I have a beautiful, amazing Black Woman who can endure a lot and still keep on. So props to all of the strong Black women who can endure hardships and still love.

Final Blow Out

Hello All,
Well as you can guess from the title there was a blow out at work. Mike decided to dishonor my Queen with racial undertones and I called him a name reserved for female dogs. He got mad got in my face and when I did not back down he took a swing which in sued in a fight. After some time of me not backing down and him throwing punches and kicks, he started trying to headbutt me. He tried kicking me in the groin, the leg and so on but when it did not work he started other low handed tactics. The only real blow from him a headbutt, broke my nose. After that the higher ups were notified and he was fired. Police were called and reports filed.
The police say I started the fight for calling him a name and that we both may be charged with disorderly conduct. Now where is the justice? he can getaway with saying “your girl is ugly because she is black.” And that is not merit for starting a fight! When did lawlessness and dishonor become part of out police force?
Anyway I defended My Queens honor and thankfully I still have a job. My nose will heal fine and the trouble maker is gone. Life goes on and the best part My Queen was flattered that I fought for her honor.
Well that’s all for now. Take care and watch out for what you say Cops may arrest you for it with some garbage charge.

Giving an update

Hello All,

well things have been going great for My Queen and I. My Queen came to visit me in August and things were simply Amazing. I truly did not want her to go back to Florida. Sadly she did because of the responsibilities she has there. Not to worry though we will be together soon God Willing. I took alot of pictures of My Queen and My Little Angel. that i have posted a few here.

Further News - Well I asked her dad for her hand in marriage, he took time to think about it and then said for us to wait till i moved down there. So in responce to this i am working two jobs and saving as much as I can to get down to My Queen. Other then that I am just taking care of my responcibilities here trying to sell my house to my parents and pay off my truck and then move to Florida.

The second job thing is going well so far but it makes me tired and what not so sorry if i'm not posting like normal. if you still want advice about things i am still here, just send me an email or post it in the ask Ken section I am setting up.

Well I Hope to hear from you and hope you have many Blessings upon you.

Love Vs. Lust

Hello Ladies and Gents,
While I was surfing the net, I came across the age old question, is my relation based on love or lust? While many may search out the top ten reasons. I find that the top ten are very flawed, they are generalized and lack any real depth. So I decided to look deeper then just the top ways to know. Lets start with some definitions the best way to classify something is to give it a definition. You can find definitions by doing a simple web search.

Definitions
Love - is the unconditional acceptance of all things as they are.
To alter or expand them by contributing to them in a loving way
Creates blessings. To alter, judge or limit them by force or fear
Creates burdens which you must carry, experience or learn from.

Lust - is wanting something that you can't have, taking something
that isn't yours, (through acquisition, force, coercion or manipulation),
and believing in something that isn't loving, (like domination, control
or sacrifice (not self)).

Biblical perspective on love vs lust
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up the common traits and variances of love and lust.
LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding
LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest
LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment,
Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful,
Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, dishonest

Now that we have the definitions of love and lust lets look at the cultural view of it in our time
The US has many ways to sell items the most profit selling tool is lust. Show a woman half nude and guys will buy the magazine because he can’t control his base desires, because of lack of discipline. Whoooops I said discipline, that is taboo in today’s culture. Parents give their unruly kids a spanking and HELLO the child services are all over them. is not discipline a form of love also? Teaching your kids how to respect others and authority, I’m not talking about walking in the door and giving your kid a shiner or a nice square kick to the ribs but a ferm swat to the butt because of a legitimate reason. Not out of anger or frustration but out of wanting to teach the kid a lesson. If he is unruly he will be spanked to help him not be unruly. Simple but very effective. I speak from many, many, MANY spanking or laying on of hands sessions where i was the offeneder not the spanker. Love of your children is one thing that is very profound. The love a mother or father has for thier child is like nothing else. You want the best for them, better then what you have, you worry if they are sick or in trouble. You will do all you can to keep the child from danger or harm of any sort. That is a parent’s love. As for lust in this area ok sicko go get some counseling and leave them kids alone.

Ok back to our love vs. lust for relationships, our culture has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it's acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones.

Love involves unselfish acts. Faith is the foundation of God's message. By putting our complete faith in God gives us the freedom to love others completely.

We have talked about love a little and since we more often lust before we love lets look at lust.
Acting out lustful desires is very harmful in four ways.
1. Lustful desires destroys marriage
2. Lustfulness is rebelliousness to God
3. Lustfulness always hurts someone
4. Lustful acts lead to premarital sex

If lustful desires are in our thoughts, then they most likely will come out in our actions!
Lustful thinking can turn into
Premarital sex which can lead to genital/ sexual diseases or lack of sexual interest with spouse or both which will quite often lead to Adultery and end in divorce. And many people wonder why our divorce rate is so high both in and out of the church. I admit people are not perfect, but if you love some one you will do all you can to be with that one person for the rest of your life. I heard an old phrase long ago “if you got a gourmet meal at home why settle for a quick bite.” This rings true now more then ever, if you have a loving woman or man at home. Why settle for a quicky when you can have something far more satisfying at home waiting for you?

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis, men a little more then women I fear. God doesn't forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people lives physically and spiritually and emotionally. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him. It hurts us because after a couple has sex things may be weird for a little bit after sex because you just gave each other something so unique and special. If you’re out side of a marriage then you just gave it to some one who may not respect the gift.

The more I think about it, when we meet someone for the first time or see someone from across the room and we see something we like. We are able to start lusting for them but is this how all relationships start? First we see someone then we get to know them, we build on the relationship from friends but some where we are faced with lustful desires. I know from my past, even now, I struggle with lustful desires. Though I love My Queen with all my heart and when she is not talking to me or has some thing she must work out on her own, I long to help her and I miss her so much, I’m on the verge of despair. Because I want to be with her so very much not in a sexual way, though that is most defiantly there, but for her emotionally, spiritually, physically and in every way a husband wants to be there for his bride. When she says I need time to get over some thing I dread it because I miss her so, not for my self but because I miss her voice and laughter, hearing how our daughter is doing and the inner play between the two of them. I desire more then anything to be there with them to help and love them. So how many times have you truly been loved? Is your past relationships and current relationship lust or love?

Just because I like to drive in points, here are some ways to know if it is love or lust.
Love is patient. Sometimes sex sounds like love, but it's not.
Lust can't wait; it's impulsive.

Love is kind.
Lust is cruel, critical, manipulative.

Love does not envy. "I need you" isn't the same as "I will be here for you."
Lust seeks more than it earns.

Love does not boast.
Lust builds self at another's expense.

Love is not proud. "I want you" doesn't mean "I want to give my life to you.”
Lust is easily threatened.

Love is not rude.
Lust is disrespectful and thoughtless.

Love is not self-seeking. "You're gorgeous" doesn't mean" I love you for who God made you to be."
Lust is demanding and uncaring.

Love is not easily angered.
Lust is temperamental and retaliates.

Love keeps no record of wrong. "I'll be gentle" is not the same as" I care about your heart and feelings."
Lust does not forget offenses.

Love does not delight in evil.
Lust commits wrong to get its own way; it rationalizes

Love rejoices in the truth. "It feels good" doesn't mean "I want you to feel good about yourself after it's over."
Lust encourages lies and covers misdeeds.

Love always protects.
Lust takes to gain its own end and lacks concern for others.

Love always trusts "Everybody's doing it" does not mean "I want to do it God's way." Lust is suspicious and jealous.

Love always hopes.
Lust always takes chances at your expense.

Love always perseveres. "You're so good, I want you now" isn't the same as "You're so good, I’m willing to wait."
Lust backs out when it's no longer convenient.

Love never fails; it's constant and enduring.
Lust ceases when self is no longer served; it's fickle, insecure, unfaithful.

I hope you have found this helpful and leave comments if you’re inclined.

A Personal note to My Queen.
My Dearest Queen, My Love,
I Daffodil 2 you are well. I miss you so very much, Jasmine (Carolina) from you is Cypress 1 to me. When I gaze upon your Alyssum, I praise God for the Amaryllis gem, He has blessed me with. Chrysanthemum (red) you My Queen. I am Althea for you.
With every breath with in me I am Camellia (pink). (Milk-Vetch), I miss you so much and hope to hear from you soon. Rose(Austrian) to me.
God Bless You and Our lil’ Angel.
Rose (Montiflora),
Ken

a black poem

My Queen sent me this. I thought it was cool and I wanted to share it.
the original author is RuNell Ni Ebo
the original poem can be found at http://www.geocities.com/smootht.geo/RuNellNiEbo.html
as for the author of this version i do not know.

The Black Prayer This is deep, so take your time.

Why Did You Make Me Black Lord ....Lord ....
Why did you make me black?
Why did you make someone the world would hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes,
of grimy hands and feet...
Black is the color of darkness,
of tired beaten streets...
Why did you give me thick lips,
a broad nose and kinky hair?
Why did you create someone who receives the hated stare?
Black is the color of the bruised eyewhen someone gets hurt...
Black is the color of darkness,black is the color of dirt.
Why is my bone structure so thick,my hips and cheeks so high?
Why are my eyes brown,and not the color of the sky?
Why do people think I'm useless?
How come I feel so used?
Why do people see my skinand think I should be abused?
Lord, I just don't understand...
What is it about my skin?
Why is it some people want to hate meand not know the person within?
Black is what people are "Labeled"when others want to keep them away...
Black is the color of shadows cast...
Black is the end of the day.
Lord you know my own people mistreat me,
and you know this just ain't right...
They don't like my hair, they don't like myskin, as they say I'm too dark or too light!
Lord, don't you thinkit's time to make a change?
Why don't you redo creationand make everyone the same?

God's Reply:
Why did I make you black? Why did I make you black?
I made you in the color of coalfrom which beautiful diamonds are formed...
I made you in the color of oil,the black gold which keeps people warm.
Your color is the same as the rich dark soilthat grows the food you need...
Your color is the same as the black stallion andpanther,
Oh what majestic creatures indeed!
All colors of the heavenly rainbowcan be found throughout every nation...
When all these colors are blended,
you become my greatest creation!
Your hair is the texture of lamb's wool,
such a beautiful creature is he...
I am the shepherd who watches them,
I will ALWAYS watch over thee!
You are the color of the midnight sky,
I put star glitter in your eyes...
There's a beautiful smile hidden behind your pain...
That's why your cheeks are so high!
You are the color of dark cloudsfrom the hurricanes I create in September...
I made your lips so full and thick,
so when you kiss...they will remember!
Your stature is strong,
your bone structure thick to withstand the burden of time...
The reflection you see in the mirror,
that image that looks back, that is MINE!
So get off your knees,
look in the mirror and tell me what you see?
I didn't make you in the image of darkness...
I made you in the image of ME!

What Do Women Want to Know???

Hello All,

I want to get an idea of what women want to know about men and what men think they want to know. Anything and everything is open for discussion. If you feel your topic is to personal, my email link is on my profile, so if you are so inclined you can contact me that way. This is your chance ladies to get all the answers, if I can give them to you.

Your questions and situations may relate to other topics or questions other women have, but are not sure how to put them in to words so please ask any and all questions you have.

This is your time Ladies let the questions, stories, and situations flow. If you send an email and only want me to email you back please let me know.

Thank you in advance.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say!!!

In the past relationships I have had I have had to guess what a woman means verse what they say. One case in point – I was dating a woman when I was in the Navy (8 or so years ago). I have always struggled with my weight, the lightest I have been as an adult was when I was in Boot Camp and even then I was 190. So I tried to loose weight with the take the miracle pill gimmick. When I told my gf at the time about it she said “Cool, I would like to try that too to see if it would work for me.” (I know what you’re thinking “Oh no he didn’t” and to that I say “YES, I did”). I sent her some of the pills because she said she wanted them. Well she was very hurt and offended because I sent the pills. But in my defense how was I supposed to know, I’m not a mind reader she said she wanted them so I sent them. Well soon after I was shipped out and then the relationship fell apart but that is a different story. My Queen makes fun of this story and my many mess-ups I have made with women, and I take it in stride, it’s not like I’m perfect or anything.

I have always been told growing up to say what you mean and mean what you say. I think it came from one of the Dr. Seuss books. But regardless, why is it women always try to have a guy read their minds? Personally I think it’s because women like messing with men’s minds. This would give them a reason to have an argument or what not as well as give them some “spice” in the relationship; you know the make up sex. So what do you folks think? Why do women expect me to read their minds or know what they mean verse what they say?

Do Black People Find Red Hair Attractive?

Hello,
I’m curious, do black women like men with red hair? I came up with this question from this web site talking about red haired people http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_hair

One place in the article it says “Rees (2004) suggested that the vividness and rarity of red hair may lead to it becoming desirable in a partner and therefore it could become more common through sexual selection.[18]
Harding et al (2000) proposed that red hair was not the result of positive selection but rather occurs due to a lack of negative selection. In Africa, for example, red hair is selected against because high levels of sun would be harmful towards fair skin. However, in Northern Europe this does not happen and so redheads come about through genetic drift.[14]”
And in another area of the same article
States “One variety of albinism (Type 3, aka rufous albinism), sometimes seen in Africans and inhabitants of New Guinea, results in red hair and red-colored skin.[35]”

Again from the same article
“Another belief is that redheads are highly-sexed; for example, Jonathan Swift satirizes redhead stereotypes in part four of Gulliver's Travels, "A Voyage to the Country of the Houyhnhnms," when he writes that: "It is observed that the red-haired of both sexes are more libidinous and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength and activity." Swift goes on to write that: "...neither was the hair of this brute [a Yahoo] of a red color (which might have been some excuse for an appetite a little irregular) but black as a sloe..."[38]”

Also in the article

"Many painters have exhibited a fascination with red hair. The color "titian" takes its name from Titian, who often painted women with red hair. Early Renaissance artist Sandro Botticelli's famous painting The Birth of Venus depicts the mythological goddess Venus as a redhead. "

Venus being the Godess of love and fertility in greek myth, so I wonder if Black women and men have any thoughts about red haired people as mates or do black women and men prefer people not of the red haired community?

Please leave comments if you wish.

About the Romance…

Ok I have been asked on many occasions to talk to men and women about romance. Not that I’m some kind of genius or guru on romance but because I do things in such a way that many women have said “I wish my man did that” or “could you talk to my Boyfriend for me.” but before I begin…

I have some words for the men who would abuse what I am going to say to just get in to a woman’s pants and abuse women. Now to the boys who play games with women’s hearts. Wake Up, you give every man a bad name and disgrace us all with your foolishness. Playing games just to “get some” from a woman is foolish not to mention stupid. With all the STD’s going around you think you will not get at least one. stop Playing the field and step up and be a Man not a BOY.

Ok continuing on, first thing is this. Women if you are not being treated right and by right I mean if your guy hits you or curses you out. LEAVE that sorry excuse for a man behind. Any man who will hit you or degrade you does not truly love you. and same goes for men who get degraded by women and maybe even abused my women.

When you start a relationship it is always good to have time to be “over” your previous ex. Never jump from one relationship to another. All you’re doing is using the new relationship to get over the last. This is unhealthy and is doomed to fail before the true romance even begins.
Now to women a word of warning. If you can’t be romantic and not be sexual with some one then it is best to just not be romantic with that some one. Many men will try to just get one thing from a woman; you women know what that is. The basic need for men is to be sexual it starts with puberty. Men start seeing women differently and start seeing the way women start filling out and desire to have them.

One thing I have to say is in my personal experience it is better to wait till marriage before getting sexually involved. This way should the relationship fail you will not be hurt as much as if you did have sexual things happen. Also waiting till marriage will chase off the guys who only want one thing. Many of the men out there who only want sex will not go through all the hard work to get a woman who is waiting. They will try to persuade her to “give it up” but if they fail and continue to fail they will leave and find some one else. This is not a bad thing Ladies!

When out on a first date never kiss, or go any farther then just getting to know one another with out sexual contact. No hand holding and such. Because men are visual and touchy creatures, where women are emotional and touchy creatures. That being said ladies’ looking good does not mean wearing next to nothing to get a man wanting to be sexual with you. Men will see you wearing something and imagine you naked anyway why spoil his imagination leave him wanting more. This will drive him to want to try harder to make you happy so that you will show more. If a woman shows to much a man will not respect her as if a woman show only just enough.

Now about respect, ladies respecting your selves and having confidence will drive a man to you. He will respect you for not giving in to sexual advances too early in the new relationship. Many will probably give me Hate mail or comments for saying this but a woman who shows to much does not want to be respected because she shows men she don’t respect herself. Ladies I can not stress this enough you do not have to look like the sexy models to get a man, just look good. Don’t show your “girls” off to early let the man work for the privilege of seeing your “ladies”.

Now to men, I have said before women are emotional and touchy creatures. So be emotionally there for them. show them what they mean to you. flowers on special occasions are good but flowers, candies and something else speaks a lot more of your love for them. doing something as simple as making a custom CD of the music you like that has a romantic under tone, helps women to see your way of things. Getting a flower “just because” is something women love.
I was getting gas at a Texaco station one time and I saw some roses where there I had the money and I decided to get as many as I could. A woman behind me in line said “ohhhhh some one’s in the dog house.” With out hesitation I said “no, I’m rarely in the dog house” so she said “so what are the flowers for?” I said “just because.” She was shocked and then asked me “could you talk to my boyfriend?” I said “it would not help, a man has to want to do it, he can’t be forces to do it.”

What I said was true you could force a man to get you flowers but then the flowers will have a different meaning they would not be because he loves you they would be because he wants to shut you up.

Now let me say this, the little things that each of you do in your relationship will help make your relationship strong and full of romance. when your out and about getting flower for your partner "just because", or if your walking some where and you see some thing that reminds you of your loved one and can afford it, buy it as a gift of love. Relationships are work with out a doubt, but you can ether enjoy the work or dread it. The choice is up to you.

Interracial Relationships - Why White Guys Love Black Women

Ever wondered why some white guys, love black women so much?

It seems that being a white male and proclaiming your attraction to black women (not only sexually, but also romantically) may lead to a lot of controversial and dangerous things. Let’s leave the debate of why more black women may be opening themselves up to white guys. The main focus of this debate is why some white guys are opening themselves to black women?

Most white males don’t feel like they are running short of white women to marry. White males just marry at high rates. So question is: Why black women? The thing is it will not be fair to bundle up black women as one since everyone is their own person and as most have figured out ALL women are different and complex… be it in appearance or personality or values.
However, one thing that some white males say is: “We love a black woman’s confidence, her tenacity and her undeniable achievements in the face of great adversity…” Since this info was coming from men, there was definitely the mention of the lips, the curves, and that wonderful skin as well.

So what about stereotypes like “black women are either sexually conservative or total sluts?” but in truth couldn’t that be said about all races in general. Many people give so much lip service to interracial dating. Stereotypes are spread because of ignorance and hatred of other races for various reasons that have no real ground, and by people who are close minded to dating and loving others. What happened to the highly educated black woman? How about the caring, decent and involved black woman?
Probably most white guys and others are confused with the stereotypical trash people spread around and if you are one that falls for such lame lines, then you haven’t dated a black woman.

Let me tell you all something, thus far dating a black woman has been the high light of my dating life and my life in general. She has been the best woman I have ever dated. She is loving, sweet, caring, loyal, nurturing, compassionate, virtuous, Godly and more then I could have ever dreamed.
Speaking as a white man dating and planning to marry a black woman. People will perceive our relationship from many angles but what matters is the love she and I share. I have wanted this woman for 4 years and now that I have her, I’m not letting anyone’s warped, biased view change my mind. She truly is the love of my life. So to all you beautiful dark skinned women who say “never” to a “white boy” well guess what, you could be missing out on some of the best blessings God can give you and same goes to you “white boys” who don’t jump at the chance to find true love no matter what color of skin it’s in.
Bottom line to You Beautiful Black Women and women of color, you don’t have to sacrifice who you are for a white guy. They will love you anyway. Just be you and open yourself up… and if you like white guys, go for it and don’t be afraid to talk to a white guy, start up a conversation. Who knows where it will lead you?