Welcome to Romance and Relationship

This blog is where we talk about romance and relationships.

We can talk about relationships in general or interracial relationships. My main focus is on interracial relationships.

I hope to make this a site for people to come and get advice, share stories and so on.

Feel free to leave comments on my blog and how I might make it better.

Thanks for visiting Have a great day and God Bless

from movie "Something New"

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Why I Love My Black Queen

I have seen on other blogs that Black women don’t feel they are the first choice for a white man. So I will now tell you why this white man chooses Black women and really the one black woman I am now with.
When My Queen and I first talked it was 4 years ago. She was my cousin’s friend. She was having problems with her boyfriend / fiancĂ©e. She and I talked for a while and I truly fell in love for this woman. The way she was captivated me and made me want to talk to her more and more. she had such a moral based style about her and more then that she was Godly and forgiving and compassionate. The things she told me she did for her man made me want some one to do them for me and I’m not talking sexually, I’m talking taking her guy out for a picnic, cuddling on the beach, just loving him as a woman loves a man. I have dated many types of women but have not had a woman do those things for me. she and I hit it off so well I knew there was chemistry there far more then ether of us were ready for. I knew she was the one woman I wanted to be with, but she was with another guy who was doing her wrong. it did not mean anything to me that he was a black guy, he was treating her like a dog and going behind her back and doing things no man or person should do when they are in a relationship. Anyway after a while she decided to tell me she could not talk to me any more, because she was with some one. I always thought I came on too strong, but I did try to take to her again and she would not respond. So I was honor bound to oblige her request, plus f I had continued she would have gotten a very bad image of me. I did not want to let her go but she made her choice I could only hope and pray she would change her mind.
After a few months my cousin told me My Queen married the guy. I was upset to say the least if I would have known when the day was I would have tried to stop it, but sadly My Queen did not let my cousin know and therefore I could do nothing. More time passed and I kept asking about My Queen from my cousin (I know my cousin was getting really tired of me asking about My Queen.) after a while my cousin told me My Queen was coming to town, I was excited and overjoyed at the chance of seeing her, but wondered why she was coming, come to find out her new husband had attacked her and was acting a fool. I never wanted to send someone to the ICU more in my life, but he way her husband and I had to remind myself she made her choice. I again could only hope and pray she would get away from him. During the time I heard she was now married till the time she was coming to town I prayed that her marriage would work, I even stopped dating I did not want another woman she was the only one I truly wanted and I knew it.
My Queen did come and gave birth to a beautiful child but she did not see me. Then she went back to him. I was devastated. I have had many friends be in relationships where a guy did not treat the woman well at all and they just stayed with him no matter how badly he treated her. I was grieved to think My Queen would be one of those relationships.
After this I could not bare to continue asking about My Queen. I stayed away from people and just waited and amerced myself in games and things that where complicated so I would not think about My Queen, I gave the picture I had of her to my cousin and erased all the things I had for her except some things I really liked that I could use for other things or maybe even other relationships should my heart grow back.
Over time one of my ex-girlfriends called me and wanted me to give her another chance I figured sure why not I have not dated any one in over 2 to 3 years and the One woman I wanted was now married. So she and I talked for a bit but it was a long distance relationship. She never really opened up to me and I really never opened up to her but I opened up as much as I could eventually she just stopped calling. I never really knew why until recently she was doing drugs and did not want to open up to me. so she just left me and then dated other people. While I still waited eventfully I got the hint she no longer wanted to talk to me so I just kept busy. One night at work a girl called asking for my cousin she sounded sweet and when I told my cousin he told me she would not leave him alone I figured why don’t she talk to me. (Note to self this was the time you messed up).
Well I did talk to her more and then I even dated her she was nothing that I thought she was she did every thing in her power to use me abuse me and then I found out she still wanted my cousin. After I left her months passed. Then I started talking to an old friend from high school. We talked for month but nothing really started she was a black women and I cherished her friendship and even wanted to see if a relationship would work, but she insisted a long distance relationship would not work between us and their for I was just a friend. Well after a little while I decided to just keep her as a friend and I let her know she was just a friend. She said it was for the best. And a few weeks after this My Queen emailed me she had decided to get a divorce because she could take no more and her husband was not even trying to keep her in fact he was doing every thing he could to push her out the door. This pained me, because My Queen deserved so much better. She never wanted to get a divorce never wanted to be hurt like this and I knew it. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to go threw with it, she said yes she was. She and I talked more and more and t was as if time had stood still.
As we talked My Heart burned livelier then it had in years and my imagination soared anew (which is a big deal for a graphic artist). My Queen told me she wanted to just be friends and I was ok with that. We talked for months and every time we talked time flew by as if she and I were moving so slow. After a little while I could not take it any longer I laid all my thoughts and cards out on the table I told her I loved her and that she was the Only One I wanted. She was taken back by this because she thought I would not talk to her let alone tell her my undying love for her. We continued to talk and just see how things we between us. She did not feel right about talking to me while she was going threw the divorce so we decided to stop talking again(this truly killed me to have her again and have to let her go this was just wrong) but I knew she was right and I would not wish for her to feel strange or pushed. I told her I understood and sent her a lasting message, one that was letting her know all my hopes and dreams about us and so on and that if she was unsure that I would understand if she decided to not go threw with the divorce there was no pressure because I did not want to be the reason she got the divorce. The next day when I could not talk to her I started a book for her( this was love letters for her, even though I did not know if she was going to come back to me or what not) then when I saw her lasting message to me it blew my mind! She said she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her Life with me. I was floored; I read that letter over and over. After a while I was just waiting and then out of the blue she called and told me she was not going to not talk to me. I was overjoyed to have her speaking to me again. This beautiful woman never ceases to amaze me. We have talked for over 5 months now as a couple and she is the only woman on this planet I want to be my bride. Right now we are in a long distance relationship, it’s hard but she and I both know it’s for the best she and I both want to wait till marriage and being so far from each other makes the temptation easier. Soon I will move to where she is and soon I will be with her. She is My Beloved Queen.
Well I know this does not tell all the reasons I love My Queen but it shows what she and I have endured. I love her for all that she is. I knew she was the one from the first week I spoke to her. Her heart is golden, she is virtuous, she is thoughtful, she is just as loyal as I am to a relationship. And she is just amazing. She and I have not had a single fight she knows my heart and I know hers. Skin color has nothing to do with it. It’s the personality and the way she is with me and the way I am with her, that makes our relationship work. There are times I feel unworthy to have a woman such as her in my life let alone her love. There is truly nothing (with in reason), I would not do to please My Queen. Well I hope you can see why I love this Black woman, if not then you are not then let me just say I love this Beautiful Black woman because of who she is. She is strong, smart, intelligent, kind, sweet, nurturing, Godly, Virtuous, merciful, forgiving, loyal, and so much more she is truly amazing. She is truly a Gem of God.

Have a Great day and God Bless.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Looks or Personality?

I have seen this controversy/ delima on many blogs, on TV and in Magizines. What is the big deal? if you have someone or are looking for someone why only look at the "hot hunks" or the "sexy cute guys or girls" or the "babe"? why are we so drawn to the physical bodies of others when we look for dates or relationships?

First off don't be drawn by beauty, the bible says staight up that beauty is passing. Many people look at me and think great another butterball but I have things that most the "hot guys" don't. I respect women perhaps to a fault, but a woman who I date knows she has someone who will not play games, will not cheat, and will not lie to her, among other things.
My looks may not be the best but I'm cool with that because my future wife loves the way I look and loves the way I am. You will also find that with other guys who may not be the ideal picture fodder that they have qualities that are above what you expect. When finding a guy or girl to start a relationship with don't just look at the outside that should be the last quality you want.

So why is it many women and men go for the outside packaging first?
If a guy or girl treats you badly why let thier looks keep you with them?

I wonder if people stay with the "hunks" or "babe" just for bragging rights. so when they are walking down the street they can look at others faces and say "yep this is mine"with the look of tripump on thier faces. or is it because of society's puss for the "beautiful people"?
One thing I have found is that no matter what someone looks like if they don't respect you enough to treat you like you should be treated then don't let the outside package and the"bragging rights" keep you with them.
If you can't tell i'm not one of the "beautiful people" like the hollywood type. I don't think I look bad but yeah I have some extra baggge and let me tell you if I got in to a fight with a "beatuful guy" I would stright up make him no longer "beautiful". Sure he would look good in the hospital bed with all the IV in his arm but the face would be one only a mother could love, but lets face the facts we see some one and think "hey I wonder if he or she is single?" Then we start trying to get the atTention of the "hot" people and leave the rest behind because of the outward apperatrance. This is a sad fact but I have not met some one who says "Yeah I fell for her personality when I saw her." We are so drawn to the good looking people because of society and the way our values have changed.
To show the diffrence in values lets look at africa. Many tribed there have diffrent values for how to look at women and men. For the men they want a woman with big hips the bigger the better. The women who are small and what we Americans would consider "hot" are avoided over there. Also the women are looking for men who can be providers and fathers not the "hot" guys. the ones who don't have jobs or can't support a family are avoided. So why is it here in America its so hard for the guys who don't look like the "hot guys" to get someone who will love them for who they are and how well they can provide.
I'm not saying women don't look at those things but if a guy is "hot" a woman will take alot more for him then from a guy who is not "hot". We have become a society of people who lust at first sight. there is no such thing as love at first sight. when we first see some one who is good looking the room stops and the men drool and the women gaze (which is woman talk for women drool). then if someone is single they try to get the attention of the good looking one. not because they like thier personality but because they are "Hot". now if some one who is ok or a little over weight comes in people may notice they are there but no one drools or gazes no one trys to go tale to them.
so why the double standard? has society programed us with the TV and Movies to see what is "beautiful"?

Monday, April 21, 2008

About the Romance…

Ok I have been asked on many occasions to talk to men and women about romance. Not that I’m some kind of genius or guru on romance but because I do things in such a way that many women have said “I wish my man did that” or “could you talk to my Boyfriend for me.” but before I begin…

I have some words for the men who would abuse what I am going to say to just get in to a woman’s pants and abuse women. Now to the boys who play games with women’s hearts. Wake Up, you give every man a bad name and disgrace us all with your foolishness. Playing games just to “get some” from a woman is foolish not to mention stupid. With all the STD’s going around you think you will not get at least one. stop Playing the field and step up and be a Man not a BOY.

Ok continuing on, first thing is this. Women if you are not being treated right and by right I mean if your guy hits you or curses you out. LEAVE that sorry excuse for a man behind. Any man who will hit you or degrade you does not truly love you. and same goes for men who get degraded by women and maybe even abused my women.

When you start a relationship it is always good to have time to be “over” your previous ex. Never jump from one relationship to another. All you’re doing is using the new relationship to get over the last. This is unhealthy and is doomed to fail before the true romance even begins.
Now to women a word of warning. If you can’t be romantic and not be sexual with some one then it is best to just not be romantic with that some one. Many men will try to just get one thing from a woman; you women know what that is. The basic need for men is to be sexual it starts with puberty. Men start seeing women differently and start seeing the way women start filling out and desire to have them.

One thing I have to say is in my personal experience it is better to wait till marriage before getting sexually involved. This way should the relationship fail you will not be hurt as much as if you did have sexual things happen. Also waiting till marriage will chase off the guys who only want one thing. Many of the men out there who only want sex will not go through all the hard work to get a woman who is waiting. They will try to persuade her to “give it up” but if they fail and continue to fail they will leave and find some one else. This is not a bad thing Ladies!

When out on a first date never kiss, or go any farther then just getting to know one another with out sexual contact. No hand holding and such. Because men are visual and touchy creatures, where women are emotional and touchy creatures. That being said ladies’ looking good does not mean wearing next to nothing to get a man wanting to be sexual with you. Men will see you wearing something and imagine you naked anyway why spoil his imagination leave him wanting more. This will drive him to want to try harder to make you happy so that you will show more. If a woman shows to much a man will not respect her as if a woman show only just enough.

Now about respect, ladies respecting your selves and having confidence will drive a man to you. He will respect you for not giving in to sexual advances too early in the new relationship. Many will probably give me Hate mail or comments for saying this but a woman who shows to much does not want to be respected because she shows men she don’t respect herself. Ladies I can not stress this enough you do not have to look like the sexy models to get a man, just look good. Don’t show your “girls” off to early let the man work for the privilege of seeing your “ladies”.

Now to men, I have said before women are emotional and touchy creatures. So be emotionally there for them. show them what they mean to you. flowers on special occasions are good but flowers, candies and something else speaks a lot more of your love for them. doing something as simple as making a custom CD of the music you like that has a romantic under tone, helps women to see your way of things. Getting a flower “just because” is something women love.
I was getting gas at a Texaco station one time and I saw some roses where there I had the money and I decided to get as many as I could. A woman behind me in line said “ohhhhh some one’s in the dog house.” With out hesitation I said “no, I’m rarely in the dog house” so she said “so what are the flowers for?” I said “just because.” She was shocked and then asked me “could you talk to my boyfriend?” I said “it would not help, a man has to want to do it, he can’t be forces to do it.”

What I said was true you could force a man to get you flowers but then the flowers will have a different meaning they would not be because he loves you they would be because he wants to shut you up.

Now let me say this, the little things that each of you do in your relationship will help make your relationship strong and full of romance. when your out and about getting flower for your partner "just because", or if your walking some where and you see some thing that reminds you of your loved one and can afford it, buy it as a gift of love. Relationships are work with out a doubt, but you can ether enjoy the work or dread it. The choice is up to you.

Interracial Relationships - Why White Guys Love Black Women

Ever wondered why some white guys, love black women so much?

It seems that being a white male and proclaiming your attraction to black women (not only sexually, but also romantically) may lead to a lot of controversial and dangerous things. Let’s leave the debate of why more black women may be opening themselves up to white guys. The main focus of this debate is why some white guys are opening themselves to black women?

Most white males don’t feel like they are running short of white women to marry. White males just marry at high rates. So question is: Why black women? The thing is it will not be fair to bundle up black women as one since everyone is their own person and as most have figured out ALL women are different and complex… be it in appearance or personality or values.
However, one thing that some white males say is: “We love a black woman’s confidence, her tenacity and her undeniable achievements in the face of great adversity…” Since this info was coming from men, there was definitely the mention of the lips, the curves, and that wonderful skin as well.

So what about stereotypes like “black women are either sexually conservative or total sluts?” but in truth couldn’t that be said about all races in general. Many people give so much lip service to interracial dating. Stereotypes are spread because of ignorance and hatred of other races for various reasons that have no real ground, and by people who are close minded to dating and loving others. What happened to the highly educated black woman? How about the caring, decent and involved black woman?
Probably most white guys and others are confused with the stereotypical trash people spread around and if you are one that falls for such lame lines, then you haven’t dated a black woman.

Let me tell you all something, thus far dating a black woman has been the high light of my dating life and my life in general. She has been the best woman I have ever dated. She is loving, sweet, caring, loyal, nurturing, compassionate, virtuous, Godly and more then I could have ever dreamed.
Speaking as a white man dating and planning to marry a black woman. People will perceive our relationship from many angles but what matters is the love she and I share. I have wanted this woman for 4 years and now that I have her, I’m not letting anyone’s warped, biased view change my mind. She truly is the love of my life. So to all you beautiful dark skinned women who say “never” to a “white boy” well guess what, you could be missing out on some of the best blessings God can give you and same goes to you “white boys” who don’t jump at the chance to find true love no matter what color of skin it’s in.
Bottom line to You Beautiful Black Women and women of color, you don’t have to sacrifice who you are for a white guy. They will love you anyway. Just be you and open yourself up… and if you like white guys, go for it and don’t be afraid to talk to a white guy, start up a conversation. Who knows where it will lead you?